I just want to let you all know I'm still alive! I had yet another breakdown yesterday but because my mom was giving me a hardd time, the usual, but this time I guess it got to me.. I feel strong but when it comes down to it i guess I'm not. In the end though, I just missed Dolly,Laura and Em even more... I spent a good bit just laying on my bed holding my bunny, and camp bear in one hand, bible at my head, notebook to the right of it, and my picture of Dolly in me in the other hand. Its horrible that I''ve been soo touchy and emotional lately...
School is fine and I'm about to head up to the library in a few seconds i Just wanted to tell ya'll i'm OK! Mom sorta lost her job but then I heard she quit.. eitherway shes jobless for time being. She says she got another job already and her hours are changed to where she's home when I'm home which is sorta a good thing. :) :$ Ok i'm going!! I got only a few minutes!!
Monday, September 19, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Not soo good
Yesterday was not one of my better ones, let me tell you. I plainly was not in the mood to associate with anyone but Dolly and/or Emily. Ok... not just them but Laura, Emily G. or anybody eslse of importance to me that day.
When I got home I was not in any better a mood either. Lets just say I was crabby. like don't touch me get out of my way and don't look at me type of way. I suppose I needed to do some writing or something... After I got food in me and my mom bought me a sub and some trail mix I was doing a little brtter. OH and boy was I confused. When i went home, mom was home and I completely ignored her looked in on my room, prepared myself for a disaster area and got the things I need. Mom was all nice to me though and I wasn't at all sure why. Now thinking about it, she didn't have any idea how ticked off I had been at her for the past few days considering I have no internet and she was supposed to be getting it back on that past paycheck and she has been grumpy as well as myself. (btw she was home because the censes was down)
So that may explain my negativity yesterday for those of you were in some contact with me. It did help though to send some mail to Dolly. Speaking of Dolly, EVERYBODY, PLEASE pray for her and her family!!! Take a moment right now and pray.........
I must go to the library now! I'm sorry to cut soo short but i really want to get up there. If you ave been sending me mail at hotmail send it to my yahoo because I still can not recieve any mail at hotmail.
tootles! btw I'm in a much better mood today!
When I got home I was not in any better a mood either. Lets just say I was crabby. like don't touch me get out of my way and don't look at me type of way. I suppose I needed to do some writing or something... After I got food in me and my mom bought me a sub and some trail mix I was doing a little brtter. OH and boy was I confused. When i went home, mom was home and I completely ignored her looked in on my room, prepared myself for a disaster area and got the things I need. Mom was all nice to me though and I wasn't at all sure why. Now thinking about it, she didn't have any idea how ticked off I had been at her for the past few days considering I have no internet and she was supposed to be getting it back on that past paycheck and she has been grumpy as well as myself. (btw she was home because the censes was down)
So that may explain my negativity yesterday for those of you were in some contact with me. It did help though to send some mail to Dolly. Speaking of Dolly, EVERYBODY, PLEASE pray for her and her family!!! Take a moment right now and pray.........
I must go to the library now! I'm sorry to cut soo short but i really want to get up there. If you ave been sending me mail at hotmail send it to my yahoo because I still can not recieve any mail at hotmail.
tootles! btw I'm in a much better mood today!
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Long time no see
A day at a best friends house is always a good day! I had the oppurtunity to escape my mom's wrath and went to my dads house for the evening expecting to see my uncle who ended up not showing because of a fight between the cook of the night and my dad. So instead of seeing him saturday evening I spent time with my dad and a friend of the building, Dakota.
My best friend Kaylee and I are spending most of the afternoon together. With the exception of right now because she is soo beat she is taking a nap on the couch. Since she has been taking in some foster children lately her dad has been taking many pictures so we all went to the park together and had a family outing. (I am considered family too!):-) I got to go to the dollar general and pig out on some candy! I had twix, two butterfingers, a pack of starbursts with the exception of pink and red, and a suagage. That was an offul lot!!! I did this mainly because the family hardly ever sees me eat or have known me to not eat at all.. (that and I've been craving chocolate all day!!) So to prove I had no eating disorder (bolimic) I shoved my face full of chocolate and managed to wear it too! The dad had been teasing by showing me a fork with a speck of food on it and then saying 'yea, she eat just this and then... ::Sticks a finger in his mouth and acts like he is throwing up::
I'm not bothered by it though!! I have proof i EAT!!!I have a belly overlapping my belt!!!!!(when I sit down that is) When I stand up it isn't as bad so... and I weight 110 about. FOR DOLLFACE HERE!!! :)) I almost have a double chin!!!! I'm getting fat because of dolly... I'm not going to say i'm going to stop eating or go back to the way I was i'm probably just not eat as much! now that I have "extra skin" and three handfuls of fat i'm going to sorta not eat as much!!!
AND I JUST FIGURED THIS OUT like two days ago!! I have a Patti and a Dorothy in my family. Scary... Except for Dorothy's nickname is Dotty. Theres a Kim too!! When I think of Kim i think of the Kim at camp who hated pictures and was soo sweet! I'm in searcch of some more family. I know i have a Deb and an Emily in my family. Two Sandy's, a Cindy, patti, Dorothy, Brenda, Gail, and I'm going back to downstairs. Kaylee called me up here from downstairs.
My best friend Kaylee and I are spending most of the afternoon together. With the exception of right now because she is soo beat she is taking a nap on the couch. Since she has been taking in some foster children lately her dad has been taking many pictures so we all went to the park together and had a family outing. (I am considered family too!):-) I got to go to the dollar general and pig out on some candy! I had twix, two butterfingers, a pack of starbursts with the exception of pink and red, and a suagage. That was an offul lot!!! I did this mainly because the family hardly ever sees me eat or have known me to not eat at all.. (that and I've been craving chocolate all day!!) So to prove I had no eating disorder (bolimic) I shoved my face full of chocolate and managed to wear it too! The dad had been teasing by showing me a fork with a speck of food on it and then saying 'yea, she eat just this and then... ::Sticks a finger in his mouth and acts like he is throwing up::
I'm not bothered by it though!! I have proof i EAT!!!I have a belly overlapping my belt!!!!!(when I sit down that is) When I stand up it isn't as bad so... and I weight 110 about. FOR DOLLFACE HERE!!! :)) I almost have a double chin!!!! I'm getting fat because of dolly... I'm not going to say i'm going to stop eating or go back to the way I was i'm probably just not eat as much! now that I have "extra skin" and three handfuls of fat i'm going to sorta not eat as much!!!
AND I JUST FIGURED THIS OUT like two days ago!! I have a Patti and a Dorothy in my family. Scary... Except for Dorothy's nickname is Dotty. Theres a Kim too!! When I think of Kim i think of the Kim at camp who hated pictures and was soo sweet! I'm in searcch of some more family. I know i have a Deb and an Emily in my family. Two Sandy's, a Cindy, patti, Dorothy, Brenda, Gail, and I'm going back to downstairs. Kaylee called me up here from downstairs.
Friday, September 09, 2005
HERE THE WEEKEND COMES!!! Tonight or sometime this weekend I'll will try to check my email ovr at my dad's appartment or something. So Email me now if you need to.. and if your mail isn't answdred by sunday night comment on my blog and I'll just answer it when I come back on monday..
Today was picture day...I only waiting in line for like 5 minutes and then it was picture time for me.. I'm probably going to do retakes because I started laughing the the girl said smile or something. I was trying to think of something nice and sweet to have a nice little smile but tt doesnt look like that's gonna happen! hehehehe
Very cute pix my Dollface!! I'll save them when I can!
Gina: Missin ya girl!
EMILY: CALL ME!!! Or i'm gonna go insane!!! love ya lots! and miss you soo much!
Dollface: 3 words!! I LOVE YOU!!!! ok more than 3. I MISS YOU TOO!!! I HOPE to be able to talk to you sometime.. and if worst come to worst and you have to come home then I hope to see you! ;) But i dont think i will see any of you anytime in the near future. :P xoxoxoxo
LAURA: CALL ME!! Get my number from Jeannette. We need to make arrangements so i can come see ya at allen.
Kimberly and Rick: hey guys! just wanted to say hi and tell ya i'm thinking of you
Gina J.: love ya sweetness! hope all is well. Thinking of you often!
Today was picture day...I only waiting in line for like 5 minutes and then it was picture time for me.. I'm probably going to do retakes because I started laughing the the girl said smile or something. I was trying to think of something nice and sweet to have a nice little smile but tt doesnt look like that's gonna happen! hehehehe
Very cute pix my Dollface!! I'll save them when I can!
Gina: Missin ya girl!
EMILY: CALL ME!!! Or i'm gonna go insane!!! love ya lots! and miss you soo much!
Dollface: 3 words!! I LOVE YOU!!!! ok more than 3. I MISS YOU TOO!!! I HOPE to be able to talk to you sometime.. and if worst come to worst and you have to come home then I hope to see you! ;) But i dont think i will see any of you anytime in the near future. :P xoxoxoxo
LAURA: CALL ME!! Get my number from Jeannette. We need to make arrangements so i can come see ya at allen.
Kimberly and Rick: hey guys! just wanted to say hi and tell ya i'm thinking of you
Gina J.: love ya sweetness! hope all is well. Thinking of you often!
Thursday, September 08, 2005
A VERy LOnG post!
I have some terribly dreadful news. Something that makes me wat to sit in a corner and be miserable with a bag of chips and my teddybear. Have u ever had almost everything you live for taken away fom you? (pr at least it seems like it)
Well, as you may remember me saying at an earlier date, my mom is telling me I'm not allowed up at the house when she's not home. So i'm not allowed to go home between 2:30-11:30pm so basically I can't go home unless I stay up waiting for mom to get home and then get up 5 hours later to go to school. I need to be able to have access to my computer and internet for school for my friends. So I live because of my friends and with out them I get extremely depressed...
So my choices are:
1. Disobey both my mom and grandmother (grams said the same thing b/c my mom told her that I wasn't allowed up at the house and told me I didn't need internet to get my h/w done)
2. Get a computer with net connection
3. Beg and make an agreement with my mom to let me be up at the house when she's not there. I'm willing to do all the cleaning, plus her room. (not like I don't clean already) but everyday now..
ok now going back in time when I didn't really have access to a computer.
AuG. 7, 2005
Emily came to my house man!! :D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D IT WAS AWESOME!!! We really didn't do anything though... but it was soo nice she came. But when she left I wanted to cry but I don't know why.... sigh... Maybe because she actually did what she said she wanted to do or because she was leaving and I wanted SOOOO badly for her to stay. Maybe it was because it happened soo fast or maybe because she was here at my house!!!
I know Dolly wouldnt be able to see me but I miss her more than imaginable. When or if I EVER DO see her I will be in tears, I'm sure. I DO know that much!! As for everything else I have know idea what it'll be like... Maybe I'll faint or hyperventilate. Grandma said I was speechless and pointing then I practically ran her over when I knew it was Emily at the door.
ONto a diff. subject Emmy G. says I"m greedy and selfish with my friends. True probably but think about it this way.. I share everything with her.- My room, clothes, secrets, computer, anything and everything I own!!! Everything I own and the family as well. So if I'm just a little selfish with my friends...? I think I feel like if my friends choose Emmie G. over me they won't want me any more and they'll spend all of their time with her and will love her a whole bunch more.. Sounds extremely stupid I know... I know i should doubt and I'm almost positive that none of my close friends would ever even consider doing such a thing.
ok going further back.... like a week into losing my computer probably...
"I don't know how many days its been without net but it has felt like forever!! I dont think I have been through soo much torture before.
I've been spending my summer days with my grandmother doing random things or just writing... I've been studying some math and working on my writing for school... I dug up a couple of old study books from under my nice organized bed and went down to grandmas to start refreshing my memory with some old skills and have been there ever since.
So besides studying math and writing I've been missing my Dolly and Emily every single minute of the day. Maybe a little exaggeration but hardly!! seriously... The last time I talked to Emmy I told her I was soo sick.. To round it up I got better.. Emily G. helped be get better by telling me to eat since I hadn't eaten for 3 days...
This torture is unbearable!!
Well, as you may remember me saying at an earlier date, my mom is telling me I'm not allowed up at the house when she's not home. So i'm not allowed to go home between 2:30-11:30pm so basically I can't go home unless I stay up waiting for mom to get home and then get up 5 hours later to go to school. I need to be able to have access to my computer and internet for school for my friends. So I live because of my friends and with out them I get extremely depressed...
So my choices are:
1. Disobey both my mom and grandmother (grams said the same thing b/c my mom told her that I wasn't allowed up at the house and told me I didn't need internet to get my h/w done)
2. Get a computer with net connection
3. Beg and make an agreement with my mom to let me be up at the house when she's not there. I'm willing to do all the cleaning, plus her room. (not like I don't clean already) but everyday now..
ok now going back in time when I didn't really have access to a computer.
AuG. 7, 2005
Emily came to my house man!! :D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D IT WAS AWESOME!!! We really didn't do anything though... but it was soo nice she came. But when she left I wanted to cry but I don't know why.... sigh... Maybe because she actually did what she said she wanted to do or because she was leaving and I wanted SOOOO badly for her to stay. Maybe it was because it happened soo fast or maybe because she was here at my house!!!
I know Dolly wouldnt be able to see me but I miss her more than imaginable. When or if I EVER DO see her I will be in tears, I'm sure. I DO know that much!! As for everything else I have know idea what it'll be like... Maybe I'll faint or hyperventilate. Grandma said I was speechless and pointing then I practically ran her over when I knew it was Emily at the door.
ONto a diff. subject Emmy G. says I"m greedy and selfish with my friends. True probably but think about it this way.. I share everything with her.- My room, clothes, secrets, computer, anything and everything I own!!! Everything I own and the family as well. So if I'm just a little selfish with my friends...? I think I feel like if my friends choose Emmie G. over me they won't want me any more and they'll spend all of their time with her and will love her a whole bunch more.. Sounds extremely stupid I know... I know i should doubt and I'm almost positive that none of my close friends would ever even consider doing such a thing.
ok going further back.... like a week into losing my computer probably...
"I don't know how many days its been without net but it has felt like forever!! I dont think I have been through soo much torture before.
I've been spending my summer days with my grandmother doing random things or just writing... I've been studying some math and working on my writing for school... I dug up a couple of old study books from under my nice organized bed and went down to grandmas to start refreshing my memory with some old skills and have been there ever since.
So besides studying math and writing I've been missing my Dolly and Emily every single minute of the day. Maybe a little exaggeration but hardly!! seriously... The last time I talked to Emmy I told her I was soo sick.. To round it up I got better.. Emily G. helped be get better by telling me to eat since I hadn't eaten for 3 days...
This torture is unbearable!!
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
My dearest (S).....
DoLLY: I miss you soo very, very much.. YOu have NO IDEA!!!! I can't sleep!! Just like you.. i've been having some weird dreams as well but nothing like yours!! ;) :P love ya babe!
I just got finished with all the reading I had to do!!! :)) then I took a quick bathroom break.
BTW people my new friend has strawberry blonde hair now.. (The new friend Nikki speaks: on thursday it will be changed yet again with bright blonde highlights - I'm a freak)
IN writers workshop we did some free writing about middle school and I talked about... what did i talk about... ?? Reimer, Fodness and Umphrey and how different all of the teachers are in the 7th grade hall and how they are committed to their job..
RICK AND KIM: Just thought I say hi since one or both of your read this! RICK MONITORING ME!!! :) ;)
EMILY: CALL ME!!!! YOU NEED TO CALL ME!!!!! PLEASE!! Called Debi yesterday and she's gonna try to get in contact with you for me to tell u to call me!!!! and to tell you how much i miss you!! BTW 70 minutes on my calling card for u!!
ok going!! class is over!
I just got finished with all the reading I had to do!!! :)) then I took a quick bathroom break.
BTW people my new friend has strawberry blonde hair now.. (The new friend Nikki speaks: on thursday it will be changed yet again with bright blonde highlights - I'm a freak)
IN writers workshop we did some free writing about middle school and I talked about... what did i talk about... ?? Reimer, Fodness and Umphrey and how different all of the teachers are in the 7th grade hall and how they are committed to their job..
RICK AND KIM: Just thought I say hi since one or both of your read this! RICK MONITORING ME!!! :) ;)
EMILY: CALL ME!!!! YOU NEED TO CALL ME!!!!! PLEASE!! Called Debi yesterday and she's gonna try to get in contact with you for me to tell u to call me!!!! and to tell you how much i miss you!! BTW 70 minutes on my calling card for u!!
ok going!! class is over!
Friday, September 02, 2005
More appropriate Title: Beautiful in this Skin!!
Flex period once again!! I'm updating see?!??!?! I've had some replays of the little adventure you had while at the beach all night long and all morning long!!! It wasn't horrible but I couldn't listen to the Nobody knows this little rose song the same way... Tis sad!!!!!
my dearest Emily,
Emily I miss ya so... YOU NEED to contact me. I want to know all about your first few days of school and how you are. I am still working on getting net back at home!! Patience!~!!! It's all about patience!! Something I have little of..
Dearest Dolly,
My angel!!!! YOu are absolutely crazy!! I'm sending out a letter tonight since I sorta forgt it on my dresser this morning on the way out the front door.
I gots a new friend people!!!! OH YES!!! !Her name is Nicole!! and no it's not me another Nicole.. so i know a total of.. maybe 6 Nicoles... She's got blonde hair and is also a computer geek!! :D:D:D:D:D
Nothing else new... I have to run the track today for 15 minutes for phys. ed testing.. :(( ok... Going... loves to everyone!!!!
Gina, Gina, Jen, DOll and Em.
my dearest Emily,
Emily I miss ya so... YOU NEED to contact me. I want to know all about your first few days of school and how you are. I am still working on getting net back at home!! Patience!~!!! It's all about patience!! Something I have little of..
Dearest Dolly,
My angel!!!! YOu are absolutely crazy!! I'm sending out a letter tonight since I sorta forgt it on my dresser this morning on the way out the front door.
I gots a new friend people!!!! OH YES!!! !Her name is Nicole!! and no it's not me another Nicole.. so i know a total of.. maybe 6 Nicoles... She's got blonde hair and is also a computer geek!! :D:D:D:D:D
Nothing else new... I have to run the track today for 15 minutes for phys. ed testing.. :(( ok... Going... loves to everyone!!!!
Gina, Gina, Jen, DOll and Em.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
OH my Goodness!!!
My love!!!! DOlly!~!!! OH my gosh!!!! I just got updated on some things I read and oh boy!!! You are soo halarious!!!! I MISS YOU SOO MUCH!!! I have like a 9 page letter waiting to get sent out but havent had the oppurtunity to do so yet.. :(
I have found a way to get to a computer with internet just today. I have discovered that in one of my classes I have a internet connected computer where I can spend an 80 minutes on the computer. :D:D:D:D:D I am unable to check my email though because of some issues with the computer being not updated yet. The internet mainly.. I'm actually thinking on running an update my self if i am permitted to get the things i need to to get it done.
I am praying for Dolly that everything will work out!! BUT I DO THINK YOU SHOULD COME HOME!!!! But education is very important....:) :( It is your choice to do what you want. :( School has started on onday and I'm working on getting everything together... I couldnt concentrate yesterday because I am soo used to talking to Dolly and using the computer while doing my homework... So it was a pretty difficult task to accomplish...
As for miss Emily Y. She starts school on Sept. 1st and I suspect she's been busy... I miss all of you guys soo much.. ... Please call me Dolly and Emily!!!
MY mom is still working on getting the internet back thankfully and if she can't get the bill paid when I get my money in on the 3rd I should be able to send out a check or money order to Verizon to get my net back!! OH YES!!!!! HEHEHHE
Nothing much new besides I've had several breakdowns due to lack of internet and communication with my dearest and most beloved friend Dolly.... Living without being able to talk with my bestest friend gets harder day by day!!! BTW!! 109.8 lbs!!! JUST FOR YOU!! I've had soo much time on my hands that i've been able to eat a bit more.
So Dolly you have a reason to get in contact with me!!! YOU HAVE TO!!! WRITE ME!!!! SOMETHING!!!! So I"m going to go my block ends in like 7 minutes so its going to take a while for this to load since the internet is soo slow!!! XOXOXOXoXoXoxoXoXOXOX
I LOVE YOU DOLLY AND EMILY AND LAURA AND GINA!!!
peace, God bless
i'm out!!
I have found a way to get to a computer with internet just today. I have discovered that in one of my classes I have a internet connected computer where I can spend an 80 minutes on the computer. :D:D:D:D:D I am unable to check my email though because of some issues with the computer being not updated yet. The internet mainly.. I'm actually thinking on running an update my self if i am permitted to get the things i need to to get it done.
I am praying for Dolly that everything will work out!! BUT I DO THINK YOU SHOULD COME HOME!!!! But education is very important....:) :( It is your choice to do what you want. :( School has started on onday and I'm working on getting everything together... I couldnt concentrate yesterday because I am soo used to talking to Dolly and using the computer while doing my homework... So it was a pretty difficult task to accomplish...
As for miss Emily Y. She starts school on Sept. 1st and I suspect she's been busy... I miss all of you guys soo much.. ... Please call me Dolly and Emily!!!
MY mom is still working on getting the internet back thankfully and if she can't get the bill paid when I get my money in on the 3rd I should be able to send out a check or money order to Verizon to get my net back!! OH YES!!!!! HEHEHHE
Nothing much new besides I've had several breakdowns due to lack of internet and communication with my dearest and most beloved friend Dolly.... Living without being able to talk with my bestest friend gets harder day by day!!! BTW!! 109.8 lbs!!! JUST FOR YOU!! I've had soo much time on my hands that i've been able to eat a bit more.
So Dolly you have a reason to get in contact with me!!! YOU HAVE TO!!! WRITE ME!!!! SOMETHING!!!! So I"m going to go my block ends in like 7 minutes so its going to take a while for this to load since the internet is soo slow!!! XOXOXOXoXoXoxoXoXOXOX
I LOVE YOU DOLLY AND EMILY AND LAURA AND GINA!!!
peace, God bless
i'm out!!
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