From the Fish-Bowl

Thirty Seconds

2011-10-10T21:36:00.004-04:00

It's interesting, how when in a moment of reflection, I can go through a number of polar opposites of feelings. In the time it takes for the second hand on a watch tick for thirty seconds, i've covered at least six different emotions with varying depths of passion.

Some of this is due to the speed the mind travels and the amount of topics one can think of in thirty seconds time. I feel Anxious, Sorrowful, Anger/Wrath/Hate, Pride, Thankfulness, Humble, and Inspired in thirty seconds.

Anxious for the future but almost simultaneously become relaxed when I think that God will take care of it.

Which leads to a moment of sorrow because of what opportunities I might miss for choosing one path rather than another.

This gives way to anger because of the past, which brings about a mixture of wrath and hate towards people who may or may not deserve such feelings.

This sends some humbling, upon request, because it is not my duty to do what God can take care of. Which makes me thankful for what he can do but then, in between all of those things I have pride because I know I am a better person than some and I am confident in who I can be. Which then cycles through thankfulness and humbling again because of God.

Thirty seconds.

A lot of emotions.

Welcome to the female brain.

ICC quest

2011-09-10T23:55:00.000-04:00

2011-09-10T23:52:00.001-04:00

vday celebration

2011-02-15T14:47:00.001-05:00

nicole's 5 things

2010-12-08T21:54:00.002-05:00

Five things you will find if you open my bag:

chapstick/lipgloss
writing utensils
book
tampon
water bottle

Five things in my bedroom (dorm room):

planner
bible
yarn
pictures
violin
Five things I’ve always wanted to do in my life:
teleportation
be really talented in something that only I can offer
make beautiful music with whatever instrument I pick up
ballroom dance with a best friend
prepare a variety of ethnic foods really well

Five things that make me very happy:

friends
conversations about God and or spirituality
cuddling with significant other
bunnies
dogs

Five things I’m currently into:

clothes/shopping
crafts/ceramics
gaming
classical music
fitness

Five things on my To-Do list:

Clean my room
wrap presents
get my license
study for finals
work

Five things some people may or may not know about you:

I almost loathed practicing violin
Shopping for those unmentionables make me warm inside
I don't like most all perfumes or wearing scents
I like to write in script
I like good happy photography

2010-09-19T18:57:00.001-04:00

I...

Play tennis

swim

shop

ride

sing

study

read

listen

work

I feel versatile :-)

What I like about Me Moment

2010-07-29T23:45:00.002-04:00

What I like about me

#1: I don't need a boyfriend in order to be complete.

#2: I enjoy the comfort of my bible next to me and it gives me a good nights sleep when I'm restless.

#3: I am intentional about being intentional

#4: Even when I have doubt I still come back around and re-realize that God is bigger than anything and can handle it.

#5: I have confidence in myself to succeed and am realistic about the things I can and cannot do.

#6: That I know the difference from what is good for me and what is not so good. Even though sometimes I still follow the things that aren't the greatest for me, I also trust that in my stupidity, that God will turn it to be good and that i'll learn something valuable.

2010-07-13T17:08:00.002-04:00

I hate that you are so emotional.
that you can't make up your mind.

and when I sit with my bible I remember the love that should be there for you.... because He loves you.

I hate that you can't get over yourself or the two lovers you have.

I hate that when my friends are sad I feel sad too.
and I hate that when the sun is not shining, I am not shining.

The good thing is that I know what is good and what is right.

2010-06-06T19:21:00.002-04:00

Try not to be alarmed by one of my most recent goals

Goal #1: to start kayaking/ buy a kayak ( which is foreseeable.)

Goal #2: Learn about handguns, including shooting, cleaning, anatomy, and be able to shoot a target.

New Productions

2010-06-03T22:29:00.003-04:00

and drama free.

Thankful for Marykate this week and always.

JENNA makes me smile and I'm proud of her graduating BMA

With summer, also comes new adventures. Meeting new people is part of life.

...because forward progress is important.

caught a snake
started a new book
spent family time
helped my aunt clean up her house in secret
befriended the sun
Met a lady down the street and helped her conduct a class and chilled with the ponies and horses. pulled my brain to remember how to tack and all the basic equipment. These horses were so incredibly tolerant of EVERYTHING. She has 36 all together (of course not all of them are so tolerant..it's cute)

The importance of helping others teaches me to give my time up for something productive. Helping someone else can teach or re-teach me something important.

Although frightening sometimes to step out of my comfort zone, it makes me a more well rounded person. Typically, controlled situations don't scare me. something as simple as catching a snake, isn't something I normally do. Because the snake wasnt in a controlled environment I cannot control it as easily either. Doing little things can teach me to let go, because I cannot control everything.

Spending time with most any of my family, and communicating with them in a mature way. I am setting my boundries with them and how I am treated. How refreshing!

I think it is important to keep past learned skills in practice too- like diving into the barn and helping out there. For the first visit, we felt out what I do and do not know, and I was not afraid to say, I am uncomfortable doing this because I do know how exactly how it should be done, but I'm willing to be taught!

okay.. tired. breakfast date with my auntie in the morning.

Cool People

2010-06-02T00:13:00.004-04:00

Cool People I know:

Piotr from Poland is an Editor

Kris is a model (in secret)

Aaron plays soccer and is the football player I know

Dolly has vocal powers

Mrs. L. is like superwoman (admirable really)

Katie C. Makes knits and makes her own yarn and sells it on etsy

Peter who went to Americore who also plays Guitar with

Dan who is all over the place is loves everyone

David who dreams up crazy awesome house plans

Kelsey who aspires to be a great Denstist

P. Sergio- the most influencial person I know

N. Manente- similar to Mother Teresea

Gina- who went to college at 16

Abby who is pretty much launched into her career at 19

Jen who fights Crohn's Disease

Jeremy S. has single handedly became one of the first guys I ever met who knows what a gentleman is.

MaryKate- The most original, authentic person my age and is class of 09

Justin M. has been the most intentional person in person and spiritual growth

2010-05-24T10:51:00.003-04:00

Last week I learned about Gandhi and Buddha

Went for a walk on Sabbath
Daisies are up =)

and with more time on my hands, blogging has become more frequent.

I'd like some work to do so I have money in my wallet =)

and this week i'm writing responses to a workshop for my portfolio.

yesterday I talked to Mrs. M who always makes me feel better. She said I was the most intentional person (in self improvement) she's ever met. I consider that a wonderful thing =] Perhaps, though, I should start taking notes on our conversations.

Dreams

2010-05-21T22:32:00.003-04:00

Last night I dreamed I had a fever and I was terribly ill. I was trying to hide it until i started feeling really hot. The setting was Allen Middle School. I can no longer remember anything else other than wondering into the hall filled with 7th grade classrooms. I went looking for one particular teacher, who happened to be talking with another teacher. I did not want to interrupt her or her classroom but she saw me in the window and motioned to come in. After apologizing for interrupting, I sheepishly asked her to check my temp, as she was known to be very much like the school mom. As any mother, she first did the forehead check. .....

I actually don't remember anything else other than that.

On the news update:

I am officially alive in PA. I am officially over my last boyfriend, even though he upsets me time to time. I have visited Dolly, which was very refreshing. Today, my aunt from MD came up to have breakfast with me and we did just a few of our favorite things. One of which was going to the book store :-) Of course we couldn't leave without first buying at least one book. :-)

I've been looking for a car for when I go back to college. That is more work than I had bargained for. I have had a few nice friends to help me look and an uncle who is taking me to look some more.

Facebook has reunited me with some elementary/high school school friends. We've been trying to meet up and hang out for an afternoon. which is very good because it keeps me social, happy, and hopeful for the future.

Although I am not studying to be an accomplished Doctor or anything that many of the US population see as a successful career, I am studying to change lives. Yes, I do believe, in my naive self, that they can be taught and they can be reached. With these thoughts in mind, I am educating myself on some literature and studying one way in how to connect literature with the classroom. I have a ways to go in the papers to write though..

No I'm not perfect. Yes, I fail. No, I don't know everything, but I do like to learn. and Yes, I am competitive. So far, I consider myself blessed and accomplished, so yea.

I believe so because progress has been made over the last few years of my life. I make goals, and strive to meet them. I try not to compare myself to others so much either.- that is good.

Do not tell me I cannot do something, because I will go out of my way to prove you wrong. Obviously though, i take into consideration what I value and its purpose other than to prove another wrong. ;-)

Along the line of dreams:

I dream to cook well including authentic thai food
to bake well (which is easy) plus master the art of decorating
to major in Education k-12
background in business admin
touch a little in the nursing field
give something to the people I admire in my life as a personal thank you for being a guide
I dream to be stable enough to own a fairly nice house and a decent SUV
be an efficient swimmer by my own standards
to regularly go to the gym when I have access to one
I dream to also not dwell on the past but learn from it and move on (that one can be darn hard)
teach in a christian atmosphere ie church
learn enough hebrew to get me through the bible
and over all, I dream to meet the goals that are most reasonable and accomplishable by me.

2010-04-21T16:54:00.003-04:00

Dear Jesus,

I have a friend who's acting like a jerk right now. please help them stop acting like a jerk for a friend. Please help me love...

ps. Thanks for the good lunch. I had a really good (explosion in your mouth good) sandwich, and a donut and hot chocolate for desert.

Amen.

"love is a verb"

2010-03-27T18:56:00.005-04:00

Today I realized I like being me. Just me; no one else. There are plenty of things I admire about other people, but I thought what I would be like if I were like them. I wouldn't be me.

It would be fun to pretend I was a pirate, or to always go to Neverland. Sometimes I do. Most of the time though, that's not me.

Parts of me wish I was carefree and crazy spontaneous. Sometimes I am. That's alright.

And sometimes I wish I had that flawless, airbrushed skin... The kind you see on some girls naturally and others, only after they have spent 30 minutes in the mirror applying foundation and other products.

If my skin were flawless/airbrushed perfectly, I wouldn't be reminded of the skin my daddy and my nana gave me. I wouldn't have to learn to accept myself and love myself for whatever odd textures or shades my face may have from one day to the next. Or, If i applied make-up every day, I'd be lying to the world..Lying to myself... and also not accepting me. I have make-up yes; it's me on my rebellious days. >-<>

Lets pretend I were one of the many naturally gifted people in academics, arts, music etc. If I were, I wouldn't appreciate my Bs as much or my As as much. I can still appreciate those who have that talent of getting the straight As without much to any effort at all. It's beautiful for the GPA! Without that talent though, I can appreciate the hard work, studying or practice, and that self-discipline that makes me a better person and that pays off in the end.

Oh, and I enjoy the outdoors and wearing regular t-shirts, with my good ol' sneakers. Climbing trees, sitting on the ground in random places, laying in the middle of the street with my auntie. I like horses and I don't mind mucking, I'll jump in a creek or a pond and i'm not scared of seaweed... I also like nice blouses,pencil skirts, fun dresses and modest clothes, and a cute pair of heels. I like scarves, books, reading, and taking notes.

yup.

I like me.

2010-03-11T09:54:00.002-05:00

Today is not sunny.

Today is hard.

It is raining outside.

The pool was not open this morning.

Profanity came from my lips several times already this morning. What's worse is I feel a tremendous guilt for the lack of thankfulness and the lack of lady-like behaviors.

I most definitely am not that sunshine today. Last night I read Haggai- that was good; refreshing really. And yesterday was icky too.

But tomorrow... and Tomorrow? Tomorrow is storms and rain. Given, I enjoy sitting on the porch during thunderstorms at home or next to the fireplace in my chair at my grandma's. I suppose i'll picture myself there with a blanket my book. Nothing Else.

For Those Who Asked

2010-03-08T13:16:00.002-05:00

In nut shell, I'll lay out the facts:

Went to the Lake and was 'refreshed' by the water. I was semi-forced to get in the icy water in shorts and a tank. BRR
Trip to Orlando resulted in ice skating (FUN), Dinner at Kobe's (yum) and getting lost
Went to Sebastian: saw the sun rise over the horizon, fished and took pictures
Sat in the Sun
Made dinner for Sager Family
Practiced Chess
Explored the outdoors

Florida Break cont

2010-03-07T00:52:00.002-05:00

Coming out of my comfort zone is rewarding. Lesson Learned.

(While in Florida)

Fish

2010-03-06T14:45:00.001-05:00

I may not have caught any fish that morning, but i captures some beautiful pictures!

2010-03-06T14:38:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I wish I could take away all your pain and troubles; so that you may see all joy

...But then if i really could, I probably wouldn't. Jesus has the power to and he doesn't. He surely knows what is best. If i had to guess, I would have to say, he lets us with our troubles and sorrows so that we may learn and grow from them. He doesn't leave us out there all alone though either- he definitely is there beside you and I the entire time (even if we don't feel him)

Florida So far

2010-03-02T01:09:00.003-05:00

So Sorry

2010-02-23T10:47:00.003-05:00

Today, I had to explain my situation and my life pretty much to some random guy in the business department today and i felt like what I was doing was something similar to complaining. It put me in an extremely uncomfortable position to say the least. I don't feel as if, in order for people to understand that Scholarships are what is going to keep me at Southern, they need to know my life for the passed three or four years. So What I am going to to about this is..... change my attitude. Yes, seeing that this is an option that i see, I will try and change my attitude about it and see what I can to do explain myself differently next time.

So on the walk back to the dorm with the girl who told me to go to this guy in Brock, I picked up and elaborated a little more on what happened last semester that actually almost required me to have a lawyer. I was telling her something that happened last semester. With that, maybe one day i'll learn to be a fun story-teller. :-) It might make me a better teacher. hmm. Glad I can see multiple sides of life. :P

2010-02-21T23:25:00.001-05:00

Prayers Please and Thanks

Jesus' got me. So just trust in Him, self.

2010-02-19T23:16:00.004-05:00

What is good:

I want to act as if you are there with me at every moment of the day.

I spent the last two days extremely happy and hyper.

I studied yesterday, swam today, and enjoyed the sun and God's Earth all day today.

I realized that my close-friendships should not be dictated by those who are mostly acquaintances.

and speaking of swimming, we started the butterfly. -Intense

The opposite:

I have a D- in World Geo

I need to study and work hard because I have been slacking the last two weeks- due to not wanting to get out of bed, wanting to sleep all the time and not seeing light at the other end.

I've been reminded of the things I should not do and I am sliding back into old unwanted habits.

I don't care about school work- I care about people. (which would be an awesome thing if school didn't dictate whether i can graduate and launch my career)

2010-02-10T13:35:00.002-05:00

Thanks for a fun evening reading children's books for class.

2010-02-09T23:24:00.002-05:00

Today my boss noticed a difference in me. He said that we need to talk about life. First thing that comes to mind, I would like to say one thing but I don't know how true it is and the second thing i think of is, what do I say because that's kind of an intimidating conversation.

I am excited about the future and where I am now. I am thankful to God and I am glad I have learned as much as I have in the last year. Now I need to learn why it is okay to lose friends and let them go. I am tormented because I know there are people who are not good for my personal growth but I also know that that didn't stop Jesus from hanging out with people.

2010-02-08T23:18:00.003-05:00

I think it is completely possible to talk about things other than other people and boys. I am going to be one of those people who can and hopefully, I will rub off on others. Please, just please stop talking about other people and talking about the opposite sex so often.

The end- Good Night

2010-01-31T11:41:00.002-05:00

while reflecting on the paper I must write, I realized that being a teacher is, in some ways, more important than any other profession. One reason is because we have to BE the example of what we wish to see our students become. As this role model, young minds are a vacuum to our actions and our words. We are unlike many other professions because, other professions, such as doctors, are not in contact with any one child for as long as a time period as an educator. ..... Lost my thought.. man...

2010-01-27T22:24:00.003-05:00

I am SOO happy-

THE END

ps on the phone :-))))

Thereafter Education Retreat

2010-01-25T10:37:00.000-05:00

Blood Assurance

2010-01-21T22:07:00.004-05:00

No words can express my happiness at that moment :-)

2010-01-20T22:27:00.002-05:00

The Message bible does not speak to me anymore so I am putting it back on its shelf and pulling out the clear word for a little while and putting that next to the NIV to read. Going to get open minded about clear word because i saw a few verses in it i really liked and am liking the way it was translated.

ive made a compilation of verses i received and highlighting them. :-) Then off to reading more Old Testament. probably not today though....

Good Night

A moment

2010-01-19T23:41:00.003-05:00

Today I took one of my moments and Toria captured it for me.

So thanks Toria :-)

I am not afraid

2010-01-19T16:52:00.003-05:00

Kyle Nase, I miss you. So if anyone sees him give him a big hug for me, thanks :-) For the whole world to know, he is awesome. Don't doubt his superhero powers!

-The End

Weekend Via Photos

2010-01-17T18:05:00.001-05:00

One More

2010-01-16T23:30:00.002-05:00

A lot must be learned while at college. These are a few.

An Ounce of Leadership

2010-01-14T12:53:00.004-05:00

^"1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose." - Phillipians 2: 1-2

As author John Maxwell has noted, there is a difference between being a leader and being a manager. He often points out that management focuses on maintaining systems and processes, while leadership is about “influencing people to follow.” One way to cultivate such influence is breathtaking in its simplicity: Influence involves caring sincerely about others.

This article continued on about how one day during a student's senior year, he had been going through his day and he had been having a particularly rough afternoon. Going to check his mailbox, he found a card with a note written in blue ink. There was not any signature to identify the person. The note had done its job and a signature was not necessary.

A few words of encouragement or an act of service can go a long way for the unsuspecting person. What is even better is that prayer can give an additional lifting. James 5:16 also says, “the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."

Thinking about prayer, lately i've been reminded of prayer circle at BMA and how refreshing it was to watch from afar or (sometimes) participate in it. A few moments to bring together different friends and pray for each other. Seeing those moments on a campus like SAU would be awesome too. So next plan, grab BMA people and start! Our schedules are a bit different i would guess so it'd be a matter of working around that.

Yay for ambitious self. }l{

Holy War?

2010-01-10T15:53:00.000-05:00

(From Deepen your Faith Devotional)

The involvement of our country in the war in Iraq inspired many polls for or against the war on the Internet. While many people are quick to point out the need for the war (to gain justice for the human rights violations and acts of terrorism suffered by many; to punish the terrorists), others seem doubtful. Some Christians have asked themselves, Should a Christian ever go to war? Or should Christians be pacifists, refusing to take up arms no matter what the cause? Have you asked yourself those questions as well?

Let’s examine God’s orders for his chosen nation of Israel in the Old Testament. In Numbers 31, God tells his people to go to war with the Midianites and to utterly destroy them. Why did God require such terrible punishment for Israel’s enemies? Aren’t Christians supposed to be loving and kind peacemakers?

To answer this, we have to understand some basic differences between the Old Testament nation of Israel and God’s people today. In the Old Testament, God led his nation to their new home--Canaan. Along the way, they were opposed by numerous other nations, like the Midianites. (After all, who would voluntarily give up his or her home?)

The problem wasn’t simply that these other people were in the way. They also worshiped idols and routinely sacrificed children to these idols.

For Christians today, however, our war is a spiritual one. 'For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places' (Eph 6:12). God’s people today are not determined bynationality, but by spirituality. Whereas God’s blessings and promises before belonged to Abraham’s physical descendants, they now belong to those who are spiritually 'grafted' into Abraham’s line (Rom 11:17). Therefore, when any nation goes to war today, its cause may be just, but it cannot be considered holy in the way Israel’s wars were. Israel had God himself fighting battles for them, and he often gave Israel miraculous assistance and assurance of victory. No modern nation can make that claim.

So, should a Christian go to war? Unfortunately, you won’t find the final answer here. We see in God’s Word that God has, at times, told his people to go to war with other people; therefore, those who believe war is never right should reconsider.

No Music on the Promenade

2010-01-02T19:23:00.003-05:00

The cold, breezy weather reminded me of times I would walk along outside looking up towards the sky, imagining what it is like for God to be looking down. I suppose, I will begin to run instead though. This feeling of resentment towards cold, breezy weather will never last more than a few more minutes. In a few minutes, I'll be back to my normal self. Like right now: I understand the sentimental value behind the music department on a cold night. I understand what it means when asked, "do you want to go for a walk?" Going for a walk means one of two things, something will be begin or something will end.

2009-12-20T19:32:00.002-05:00

we actually do play like that. its kinda cute how alike we are sometimes. I don't mean the facial expressions. I mean, if our car (for example) is turning then we move our hands like that.

Did I mention that is MY Brother's hoodie? It's kinda awesome I can fit in his clothes.

The heart wasn't entirely on purpose. It started looking like i heart and then i just finished it. hehe

My pie finished. I'm scared to eat it but mom says its good.

Enneagram

2009-12-20T19:25:00.001-05:00

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Type 3	Image Focus	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Type 4	Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|	14%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%

Your main type is 1
Your variant is social

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

JWD...

2009-12-12T18:35:00.001-05:00

If the world were to end in 2012, I have not wasted my life in school.

Rather spent it learning all I am capable of, experiencing happiness and joy as I find it and developing my moral values to reflect the person whom I sing praise to, to continually challenge myself to not think or follow others where they might want me to. (and doing WWJD) So, no I have not wasted my life in school.

Birthday Dinner

2009-11-13T09:40:00.002-05:00

An Adventuresome evening with the ladies at Provinos included two birthdays of the week and many upond many pictures :-) We may all have been a little more blind from the flash photography by the end of the evening.

Like my purse? ;-) Another day out and three more people had taken my purse to look at in amazement followed by more compliments. A purse big enough to keep gloss and a phone and a few cards.

2009-11-01T08:13:00.001-05:00

Craving me a good love story

The End

Practice Your Hebrew

2009-10-27T21:52:00.001-04:00

רק שתדע, קראת לי. אני לא קורא לך. אני אוהב אותך אבל אני מנסה לעשות את הדבר הנכון כאן.

כדי לראות את השם שלך על הטלפון שלי, לשמוע את הקול שלך שוב לראות אותך עומד מולי שוב. אני לא יכול להתמודד עם זה עכשיו. אתה לתסכל אותי.

סוף

אני רוצה לעשות מה ישוע היה עושה.

2009-10-01T20:44:00.003-04:00

"i believe all math stinks like a dirty sock" -Charity

I am... the house maid, the babysitter, the peacemaker, the cook, the drama queen, the girl to chill with, the shopping buddy, the listening ear, the pet caretaker, the pet groomer, the laundry lady, and the morning smile (depending on who and what wakes me).
On occasion, I'm also a nightmare, a crab and a hypocrite.. like today

"lets run away- go for thai and then hit the beach"

ha i'm a t-shirt bra type of girl doll. :-) but lets not go into details. the wrong ears might hear and think i'm of the devil

2009-09-26T16:59:00.002-04:00

Book List
Atlas Shrugged- Ayn Rand
A Suitable Boy- Vikram Seth

Thoughts for the day

What is one word to describe what you want the most right now?
- One Tree Hill 1.2

I will be there for you-always- all i want you to do is ask. I can't come running if you don't ask. Even if i can do nothing else but listen, know i'll be the best listener i can be. -oasis

it's kind of like Jesus when He tells us he's always there we just need to ask for him.

Jesus wants to take all that pain away, the stress, anxiety-everything. He would rather bare it all, rather than watch you go through it. That's what it is like.

Truth is, Reality can be so much better than any of my dreams

I'm in the mood for that rock/alternative music.

"Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"- Pocahontas.

"if i could break this spell...for longer than forever... :-))" -swan princess

2009-09-15T18:43:00.002-04:00

I love you- i do

If School isn't the death of me, you will be

Forgive me for being so forward, good sir

there's a difference between war and justice

I don't want to get into a career that will make me vindictive

The irony is that my number one result today on my career options was nurse practitioner.

As much as i want to be happy with you, i want to be happy without you.

100 things- please don't forget about it

Laugh a little- it makes the world a better place.

Appreciate me even if i'm not your version of perfect.

2009-09-13T22:26:00.002-04:00

i want to claim this right now... I started skyping BEFORE everyone else decided it was cool.

Thank you

Good night

PS. Oasis and palm trees.... cowboys and superheroes- xoxo

The Nothings

2009-09-13T13:56:00.002-04:00

I'll work hard

Commit myself too

I'm doing well, thank you

Please don't ruin your life with such things...

My heart breaks every time you think such things

Somewhere, I think I had somehow done something wrong

Forgive me

I miss you.... My best friend

I want to move on

You are prince charming, I just don't know if you're my prince charming

I'm glad you're happy, you're just not making smart decisions

Before Bed

2009-09-06T00:32:00.002-04:00

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
green

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
not now, i wouldn't. in the far future possibly

4.Do you plan outfits?
sometimes

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
no

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
aromatherapy sensual body lotion from b+bw

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
the second.

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
i don't...

9. Did you meet anybody new today?
yuppers, like 5 new ppl

10. What are you craving right now?
sleep

11. Do you floss? ..
not as much as i used to

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
food, nana ampon

13. When was the last time you talked on aim and who were you talking to?
a few weeks ago i talked to scott and Tyler...

14. Are you emotional?
i can be VERY- watch out for that.

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
no...well..perhaps...

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
yes

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
lick it.

18. Do you like your hair?
not so much...some days

19. Do you like yourself?
most of the time i can appreciate myself

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
i met someone today that looks like a celebrity!

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
nope...weird texture

22. What are you listening to right now?
A/C running

23. How many countries have you visited?
none.

24. Are your parents strict?
doesn't matter

25. Would you go sky diving?
Yes

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
of course, i could potentially learn something...

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
umm... if we happened upon a random food fight

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
my lotion

29. Have you ever been in a castle?
a type of castle ;-)

30. Do you rent movies often?
no.

31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
i don't have math class

32. Have you made a prank phone call?
no, i can't do those things.

33. Do you own a gun?
I don't but there are shot guns in my house

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
of course

35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
i was with so many ppl tonight...

36. Brown or white eggs?
hmmm.... what's the difference?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
YES, those big black gothic pants, nail polish, gloves- that's it

38. Ever been on a train?
If the metro counts

39. Ever been in love?
i don't know for sure.. i know that i love the person

40. Do you have a cell-phone?
yes;

41. Are you too forgiving?
i don't know..

42. Do you use chap stick?
ALL THE TIME

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
sleeping

44. Can you use chop sticks?
umm.... i think i can

45. Ever have cream puffs?
?

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
yep.

47. What was the last question you asked?
Would you drive us home now?

48. What was the last CD you bought?
David Crowder... i think...

49. Boys or girls?
MEN

50. What is your bus number for school?
it used to be 59

51. Is your hair curly?
unfortunately not...

52. Last time you cried?
yesterday for a moment

53. Ever walked into a wall?
no?

54. Do looks matter?
a little

55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
no.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
yes

57. Favorite time of the year?
when the seasons change

58. Favorite color?
purple, blue, white

59. Are you sarcastic?
unfortunately...

60. Do you have any tattoos?
no thank you

61. The last person you held hands with?
ugh...

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
if i have one to fall asleep to

63. Where was your default picture taken at?
skip

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
no

65. Do you like your life right now?
It's alright- Jesus is in it so yea

66. How often do you talk on the phone?
daily.

67. What is your favorite animal?
..... too tired to think about it

68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
pumpkin spice latte from starbucks

69. Do you have good vision?
15/20

70. Can you hula hoop?
used to compete against Ems

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
yes

72. Do you have a job?
yes

73. Can you handle the truth?
sure, have something on your mind?

74. What are you wearing?
hoodie

75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
many a times

2009-09-04T23:38:00.002-04:00

Life

I must move past this none-sense with him.... not that anything bad is happening just that i gotta get over it

I am pretty darn good at finding the good guys and knowing off the bat if they could have potential.
I've gone on so many dates, i don't have enough fingers to count them anymore
Seeing 'ahem' only stirs up feelings again that i work so hard to kill during my week....(trails off into thought...)
I found an awesome Jesus spot today along the TN river near a dock (=
Jesus dates are a necessity in my life - especially if I want to stay focused!

A+P s REALLY boring but its nice to have a cool teacher and i like labs (=
I love having Tuesdays and Thursdays available to me.
I FINALLY have a job- in the call center...
i pretty much love wearing my hoodie and socks and drinking naked
I am turning off my phone because i don't want to receive any message of any sort from anyone for 24 hours! ...well i do have to figure out where i'm meeting someone tomorrow... that might pose a problem- so i'll turn it back on to do that.

I really want a dog and ferrets are cool animals too except they're mischievous.

My aromatherapy calms me (=

dean martin, josh groban, michael buble...

Wishes for starry skies and Jesus and I love yous
One more thing, hugs

2009-08-29T19:00:00.002-04:00

So someone found these online, i've adopted them as well. Once given the chance i have cool plans to make a scrapbook out of the ones i like... tehe.

And...

A notes from Jesus... picked it up from Genesis

"you are worthy, not for what you do, how you look,

or what you own... but because I made you."

The Fish-Bowl

2009-08-29T18:13:00.004-04:00

After lunch, 'Hobbes' and I went to the Chatt. Aquarium to soak up the wonderfulness.
Thanks to my handy phone, i had the chance to capture a few pictures- i will revisit in the future (no worries).
Above, is a cuttle(cuddle*) fish, which is one of my many nick-names now. I never really knew much about them, nor do i now, however, since i now have seen them and am a little familiar, i pretty much love them. They're not the cutest but are kinda cool. They can change colors, and they are night creatures.
These wonderful/horrible creatures (see seven pounds-a movie) have been a pretty cool entertainment as well. That's really a pink jellyfish by the by.

I also saw otters! wonderful cute little otters in the very beginning of the aquarium. I didn't think to take pictures and the camera on my phone would not suffice for such action. I LOVE river otters like nobodies business. I stood and watched them in amazement and walked around and saw more!! It was a beautiful thing. I wish i could just chill in the water with them, they look like such fun. From what i read they were also more on the nocturnal side. I'm okay with that too. :-))

I also had a chance to pet a few random fish (long fish), saw some snakes, went through a butterfly garden, held a butterfly too; and pet a sting ray. I'm not joking- It was completely safe.

And i just have to throw this in there...

I almost got ran over by a car, could have been a truck if i went a few minutes later- a blue truck. Anyway- skipped stones- my first actual accomplishment of said task. I only skipped it twice but still it was great :-).

Hobbes and I went for some really amazing soft serve ice cream where they mixed the ingredients right there.

oh and some random ppl hollered something at us as we were walking... twice actually- whatever.

Let's see...

So pretty much- today was great (=

I've been wanting to get to know Hobbes for a week or so now and hang out with him and i'm sure glad we did. We click pretty well- enjoy pretty much all the same stuff- its craziness. I don't know what to compare him to but he's cool.

As a side note, if you ever come to TN, bring bug spray- i think i have a total of 14 bug bites now. I think all of them or mosquitos.

So since been here, this my collection of nick-names i've collected since senior year...

Cuddle fish

Palm tree

Jane (from Tarzan)

I'm an otter (a river otter)

nik-fish

bubba brewski ( i have no idea how i got that one)

kikki

nickel

i'm also a 'druggie' (umm... that one- its cause i used to take double the reg. amount of straight-up Ib profen every few days)

Nemo

Nikk squared or N(squared)

Then some ppl do the pet name thing but i'm picky on who... (dearie, dear, sweety, and beautiful)

My favorites have to be cuttle(cuddle) fish and Jane but i've warmed up to Nemo as well.

haha now i'm totally drawing a blank... theres like 2 more... i don't even know... (=

I'm doing a star wars marathon tonight and then if i can find pocahontas I'll do that. (=

Morning Inbox

2009-08-27T09:33:00.000-04:00

Don t Give Up

	Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. Hebrews 10:36

	Effective leaders accomplish seemingly impossible tasks because they never give up. They never buckle under. Despite mounting criticism, intense opposition, and overwhelming obstacles, they persevere with determined resolve. They refuse to throw in the towel. Often, the easiest thing would be to quit. Just give up. Forget about one’s dream and return to the comfort and convenience of mediocrity. Give in to the words of the critics, give up to the opposition, and give way to the obstacles. Simply tuck tail and run away. Great power is embodied in persistence. The race is not always won by the fastest, nor the game by the strongest, but rather by the one who keeps on keeping on, who refuses to give up. Consider the postage stamp. Its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. Race car driver Rick Mears said, "To finish first you must first finish." It is always too soon to quit. One of the most powerful and destructive tools that Satan has in his arsenal is discouragement, the subtle but dangerous compulsion to give up, to quit, saying, "What's the use?" When you are tempted to quit: resist. We must endure in the battle until the evil day is over. We must press on in the face of the temptation to quit. Until the war is over, we must fight to the end. Until the race is finished, we must keep running. Until the wall is built, we must keep stacking bricks. Never give up. Never. The promises of God are always at the end.

2009-08-26T04:49:00.002-04:00

man.. i don't know what this is, but i still can't sleep.
I think and then my heart won't allow me such things
please just make this go away- complications are unnecessary.
I wake up and wonder how it can be so disturbing that my sleep patterns are out of wack,
pillows will wake me up, or lack of pillows could wake me up
I'm either too hot or too cold
My heart either hurts or my legs itch
My eyes are too puffy or my knees are

"what is love?! baby don't hurt me..what else can I say..." -haddaway

2009-08-24T20:17:00.002-04:00

So...

It can not be- it will not be

I must listen

walk away

Leave it on the stand

And keep bible in hand...

Thank you friend, for being there for me

Helping me find my way

It pains me to do this- again

Fifty-Nifty

2009-08-23T00:53:00.003-04:00

Fifty little secrets.
Be honest no matter what.

Zero - Who was your last text from?
Carlita

One - Where was your default pic taken?(on myspace/Facebook)
washing DC/At aunt Sandy's house

Two - When was your last kiss?
roughtly at the beginning of summer... prob right before camp meeting..

Three - Have you ever lost a close friend?
yes.... i don't wan to talk about it..

Four - What is your current mood?
joyous- for the nice box, hand-picked rose, and love ( to say the least)

Five - What's your brother(s) names?
Shawn and David

Six - Where do you wish you were right now?
next to a piano listening to Justin play... at a symphony....under the stars on a sail boat with no other..as long as i know... (= .. one day!

Seven - Have a crazy side?
tehee you could say that

Eight - Ever had a near death experience?
possibly

Nine - Something you do a lot?
giggle, and say truth

Ten - Angry at anyone?
nope

Eleven - What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
love

Twelve - When was the last time you cried?
today

Thirteen - Is there anyone you would do anything for?
yes

Fourteen - Who do you think about when you are falling asleep?
depends.
who? depends.. mostly only one certain person but then i decide that Jesus is the better option of the two

Seventeen- Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Vocally- malcom.. texting- CARLITA!

Eighteen- What is your favorite song?
DC* - a beautiful collision
Yo-yo ma... pretty much everything right now
i'm liking jazz music right now too
and this song by sick puppies

Nineteen- What are you doing right now?
this, texting nick, watching tv.

Twenty- Who do you trust right now?
Wow, that's a pretty difficult question, with everything? hmm.. kyle comes to mind...i'd like to say dolly as well but it's been so long.. on other things, depending on what, i could say Justin, prob Liz, and prob. emily

Twenty one- what was your last dream about?
heehee- you don't wanna know. (=

Twenty five- Who are you thinking of right now?
Lizzie

Twenty six- What should you be doing right now?
hmm... it doesn't matter

Twenty seven- What are you listening to?
ACDC

Twenty nine- Who was the last person who yelled at you?
my brother

Thirty - Do you act differently around the person you like?
umm... well i used to get clumsy, and i always forgot my keys and i'd smile a lot

Thirty one- What is your natural hair color?
dark brown

Thirty two- Who was the last person to make you laugh?
liz

Thirty three- Who was the last person to make you sad?
last person... dunno- last thing was career choices and flames

Thirty five- Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Pin straight

Thirty six- Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
not scrumptious..

Thirty eight- Gone skinny dipping this summer?
nope! should I? it's still pretty warm!

Thirty nine- Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
sure do. :)

Forty -Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yess. haha almost did tonight

Forty one - Are you happy with life right now?
eh- glass is half full

Forty two- Are you currently jealous?
no- yes- so i'm told

Forty four - What are you doing Friday night?
well last friday- which was 2 days ago... i was glowing and sad at the same time. Next friday, vespers, meeting people

Forty five- Have you ever had your heart broken?
half broken- no, yea, i've had it broken but not necessarily by a guy

Forty six- Have you ever broken someone's heart?
so i've been told.

Forty seven- Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
yes...

Forty Eight- What are you looking forward to?
sunny skies

Forty nine- How late did you stay up last night and why?
don't know.

Fifty- Does anyone like you right now?
yup- a few from what i'm told..

pshh

2009-08-21T15:39:00.003-04:00

This is how i block my brain cells from going overloading with everything

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted?
never... wait... who was the last person... nope... never

The past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
neverland....

What were you doing at ten last night?
talking it up with Liz- she makes me feel better :-)

What was the last thing you drank?
agua

Did you have a dream last night?
i don't think so

When was the last time you cried really really hard?
umm... in about 30 minutes.. i prob might be

Have you ever broken someone's heart?
so i've been told.

What made you mad/upset today?
upset? knowing theres a bunch more people coming and i dont think i care for that too much- that i have no idea what i should do with my life... that this one kid is getting rather annoying, that i need to be okay with certain things and i'm not and i dont know how to fix it or if i really want to. that i really do make excuses for myself and its unacceptable. that i'm not spiritually in tune and that Carly is so far away and that i'm pmsing..

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
of course- i would start one unless i thought it would last

What's something you can't wait for?
to be happy- and to get a puppy!

What's something you CAN wait for?
all these people and hearing my heart break too many times

What time did you go to sleep last night?
something like 11 or 12...

Do you own more than one cell phone?
yes.. only one of them are activated.

What are you doing at this very second?
this.

Girls are bitches, am I right?
some are- some aren't

Are you taller than your mom?
not quite

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
football

When you last got dressed, did you put on your bottoms or your top first?
bottoms

Have you ever poured glue on your hand just to peel it off for fun?
hehe- guilty! :-) math class

How many people do you know with your name?
uh- four or more

Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
definitely at least twice a week (including weekends)

Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
nope.

When are you usually on the phone?
at night

What is the last thing you bought someone?
i bought my brother an envelope, kyle: take 5, and.... i think thats it

What's on your mind?
figuring out what IS on my mind.. and not wanting to know what i might think of

What are you listening to?
the ac running

Do you call it fall or autumn?
depends

Are you feeling guilty about anything right now?
nope

Are you texting anyone?
nope

What is the closest thing to you that is blue?
phone, water bottle, bottom of skirt, computer- they're all about the same distance away from me

Do you believe that there's good in everybody?
Yes

How did you start off your day?
rolling over and realizing i have a few hours before i MUST get out of bed

Last MySpace message you received?
from emily..

Do you hate the last girl, other than family, you talked to?
nope

Where are your parents?
in Pa, inside the house prob. vegitating.

When was the last time you had a headache?
yesterday

What's a fact about the last person that texted you?
she's going to SAU and leaving in about 5 minutes

When is the next time you'll see the second person on your top?
dunno... some time

Have you kissed the same person more than 5 times in 09?
yes

Your phone rings, what do you say?
hello?

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
in someones arms i think... that was long ago!

Are you dating the person you texted last?
no

Ever licked someone's cheek?
YES

What do you currently hear right now?
Abby laughing

What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping perhaps

Do you think you are pregnant?
still a virgin!! i 'm not mary!

Do you currently have a hickey?
no- i dont really do on purpose either!

What woke you up this morning?
stupid lawn mower...

Ever kissed someone starting with A?
never...

Can you go in public looking like you do?
duh! i always think i loook good! ;-) jk

Are you an alcoholic?
def not

Is it easy for someone to make you smile/laugh?
usually

Ever dated a blond-haired, blue-eyed person?
NEVER

What is your current annoyance?
you

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
how i say on and off

What are you stressed out about?
so much..

When will your next kiss be?
my brother will prob send me kisses next year! so a LONG time from now

Did you ever like someone you know you shouldn't have?
yess.

Who was the last person to lay in bed with you?
first thought is aw... and second one in order to answer the question abby... and no we were not cuddling!

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day?
i hope so.

For Emms

2009-08-16T01:10:00.003-04:00

1. What is your best friends name?
Emily, Kyle, Doll
2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now?
Pink/white
3. What are you listening to right now?
Mansfield Park
4. Whats your favorite number?
mmm.... first that comes to mind is 27 and 43
5. What was the last thing you ate?
popcorn
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
maroon
7. How is the weather right now?
pleasant, yet cloudy.. a little moist- perhaps...
8. Who was the last person you talked 2 on the phone?
Malcom... i think... last person i texted though was MK about 20 min ago.
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
whether or not he's trying to hit on me... not cool
10. Do you have a significant other?
perhaps... (= Someone i consider to be significant
11. Favorite TV show?
tough one... bewitched, i dream of jeannie, friends, bones...
12. Siblings?
multiple but my only blood brother is my younger and very loved Shawn.
13. Height?
5ft with a few hairs
14. Hair color?
Some shade of brown
15. Eye Color?
Brown with hints of other colors depending on my mood
16. Do you wear contacts?
nope- my eyes don't like them
17. Favorite Holiday?
Valentines Day would be in the rankings... love is good even if its not towards a significant other
18. Month?
Perhaps April
19. Have you ever cried for no reason?
yuppers- i'm a girl... My apologies to anyone who i have hindered by such tears.
20. What was the last movie you watched?
Shopaholic?
21. Favorite Day of the Year?
I don't think i have one and if i did it would be my anniversary once i have one
22. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
nope.
23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)?
for like a second
24. Hugs or Kisses?
depends on the person- someone i'm close to id go for kisses everyone else, lets keep the hands to thyself.
25. Chocolate or Vanilla?
vanilla.
26. Do you want your friends to respond to this?
what is there to respond to?
27. Who is most likely to respond?
carlita
28. Who is least likely to respond?
Piotr
29. What books are you reading?
Mansfield Park, Dear John, A+P
30. Piercings?
Ears
31. Favorite movies?
.... Beauty and the Beast, Matilda, Beautiful mind (pretty close to tops), Nooma short videos..
32. Favorite football Team?
I enjoy Steelers games and anything i can see from the sidelines
33. what were u doing before this?
undressing
34. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?
cheddar
37. Dogs or cats?
dogs.
38. Favorite flower?
i used to like cala lillies but now i am not sure again.-its not important enough to make the time to develop an opinion over.
39. Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do?
probably- nothing i regret though- nothing that comes to mind
40. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?
yes.
41. Have you ever loved someone?
Definitely- many
42. Who would you like to see right now?
Emily....I miss her soo much..... :'(
43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?
yuppers :-)
44. Have you ever fired a gun?
umm.. no? i wouldnt mind if i had earplugs
45. Do you like to travel by plane?
TRUTH! Jesus really knew what he was doing!
46. Right-handed or Left-handed?
Righty
47. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Right now three
48. Are you missing someone?
Incredibly... and mult people... two of which i'm tearing up over at this moment...
49. Do you have a Tattoo?
NO THANK YOU
50. Anybody on myspace that you'd go on a date with?
who needs myspace when we've got facebook. ;-) it's all overrated... or at least i'm starting to feel that way. We have cell phones and US postal service for a reason. :-)

2009-08-14T22:48:00.003-04:00

i love these moments where i can be there for you and with you and still be happy for you.-Selflessly....at least a good deal selflessly
Having this unheard of ability (God-Sent) to be loving and understanding while sitting the sidelines.

I love listening to you- about everything you want to say and the things you don't say ( yes, i do pick up on those things too)

Thank You God- it must be pretty cool being him cause he gets to do that all the time- know the things we don't say (both good and not so good).

2009-08-14T18:00:00.002-04:00

New Shirt and New hair :-)

My brother would be proud (-;

2009-08-13T07:30:00.001-04:00

Sometimes i feel i'm better off this way but other times the feeling is mutual.. catch my drift? hehe

and sometimes my heart could burst (DC) the heart breaking makes a sound so beautiful...

(FOCUS)- Ford Focus ;-)

Check it- proverbs ( 3:4-5; 4:23-27;3:5,6) and everything else (-:

Say yes to Dean Martin!

Sigh to Dark hair

No cry fests for me

And, once again, I acknowledge that I, Nicole Fisher, am selfish.

You ask what do I want from you?

I want nothing FROM you

Studying is NOT overrated.

There are 31 pairs of spinal nerves

Some lovers try positions that they cant handle

and

Tall Californian Navy Medical Interns lay Cuties (they’re mnemonics)

Its 11:10pm and I am without internet because of the studying and reloading of one webpage that would not load for the life of me.. until an hour ago.

David Crowder calms the soul

TRUTH- once loved always loved; hasn’t proved wrong yet

Less than ten days until the semester is over! HURRAY!! And not hurray for the C I currently hold in A+P…

Apples are Yummy and Naked is expensive

Be difficult- it’ll be a challenge I will overcome!

Saxophones and music are wonderful

I have seen my fair share of cockroaches and frogs in the last few weeks here and neither makes my friends list.

Teaching is cool but doesn’t pay and Dental is cool but is difficult to go to school for… Which to choose….

And thinking of my brother makes me cry… I miss him…

Remember EVERYTHING!!

Prayers for Carol and Beauty. (two people)

Sing me a song, my dear and smiles will follow

Kyle’s bass voice makes me giggle

Comfy beds and cuddling are two fundamentals when I get married or at least the first when I have a place to call my own.

Singing makes a happy heart and hugs calm the nerves- medically proven facts!

Have I created an exhausted list yet?

Many times I would love to make beautiful music

Can’t wait for Sabbath to come… sort of…

Boys are a no-no J yes Katie- I believe it

My mother is so naïve sometimes

I prayed today

Da leaves in a short while to return to Poland

Can/may I stand in the middle of the storm and not be told to go inside?

Stupid icky mood today has me feeling blue- lets hope its just pms

I miss Sergio and Ferguson… and can’t explain what I miss specifically

It’s almost midnight…

Cold Water

2009-08-10T21:07:00.002-04:00

Lets be bold

GO!!!

1. last cigarette?:
never? candy ones!

2. last beverage:
water.

3. last phone call?
Victoria ...(secret?)

4. last text message
Roxana

5. last CD played:
Yo-yo ma

6: last BUBBLE bath:
about 4-5 weeks ago

7: last time you cried :
2-3 weeks maybe...

8. last meal:
... hmm... what to consider a meal... how about last food consumption... avocado and after that was a protein drink.

SEVEN have you’s:

1. have you ever dated someone twice?:
nope

3. have you ever kissed someone & regreted it?:
no :-)

4. have you ever fallen in love?
perhaps... what's that mean anyway?

5. have you ever lost someone?:
hahaha i sure hope not! that would be terribly irresponsible of me.

6.have you ever slept until 2pm?:
PSHH!! yea!

7. have you ever been drunk and thrown up?
nope

SIX things you did in the past three days:
1. Went to the Movies
2. drove somewhere and got lost and had fun doing it
3. Laugh and smiled until my cheek bones hurt
4. Reminisced
5. Read my bible
6. wrote/drew on myself

list FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to –
1. Emily
2. Dolly
3. Kyle
4. .... umm....
5. .....

list THREE favorite colors —
1. Blue
2. Purple
3. White

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
1. Missionary
2. Get married/raise kids
3. Thank the people who got me this far
4. get dang good resume

This month have you…

Laughed until you cried: hahaha- today

Went behind your parents back?
umm... i dont think so... maybe once?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT:

1. Your last kiss?
.... sigh...

2. Gay Marriage?
undecided? no.... probably not

3. Lowering the drinking age?
how about none at all

4. Straight, Gay, or Bi?
Straight

5. Who are the best huggers that you know?
Kyle?

6. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope

7. Is there something you want to tell someone?
Lots

8. What brand of shirt are you wearing?
Hanes

9. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
of course

10. What is your current annoyance?
A+P

11. How many kids do you want to have?
2 maybe three

12. Do you want to change your name?
nope

13. Last time you saw your father?
i wanna say maybe 4 years..

14. What did you do for your last birthday?
idk... Kyle came home with me. :-D

15.What time did you wake up today?
4am- that's not normal i promise

16. What were you doing at midnight last night:
sleeping...

17. Name something you CANNOT wait to do:
Travel and learn to cook and bake!!

18. What is your favorite thing in your room?
my heart necklace, bible, water bottle, multiple books

20. Where is your best friend right now?
well i have mult.
2 are in PA
and
one is in Talge Hall

2009-08-09T11:12:00.002-04:00

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

Nice little reminder- yes? Patience and love- a love like a flame that never goes out. (Romans)

I ought to start studying now so farewell, readers or non-readers.

DAN CURTIS I MISS YOU! :-)
Even though my bro doesnt read this i miss him a lot too. :-))

2009-08-09T01:26:00.003-04:00

My Friend
My heart overflows with gladness
Moments may turn to hours
and smiles will last longer
I really am happy when you are happy too
-Genuinely happy

The End

Labeling

2009-08-07T17:29:00.001-04:00

Not to brag too much, but i gave blood today and i didn't black out or turn pale or anything! :-D i have witnesses to prove it! :-) that's all!

Everyone have a good sabbath!
Enjoy the Sun!

LoveBug

2009-08-06T23:31:00.003-04:00

I'll play love songs
and listen to your comedies (and your tragedies)
See you smile in that half smirk type of way
Years will go by and Patience will still be
Moments with you bring hours of happiness
That of which are incomparable
And I see a lasting smile in that
Even in separate ways, we still mix like detergent in the washer
And my love still grows and still shines
As do I... shine

Forget me not, my dear
And go on in your adventures
I will support you- always
Just be true

Good and Plenty

2009-08-04T13:37:00.002-04:00

Occification

2009-08-02T15:11:00.002-04:00

NOT!

No.. I think i might be allergic to oxiclean- if that's possible. i've used it twice now and both times my fingers swell and turn all red... and they feel funny... its kinda cool :-) Maybe i should start wearing gloves or something when i deal with cleaning products.

2009-08-02T00:03:00.001-04:00

Deprivation

movement which is code
Facebook and myspace. how else am i supposed to distract myself from studying? besides texting of course which i'm thinking about giving up while studying...
I'm H2O deprived :-)

Thats it... back to studying!

2009-07-31T23:17:00.001-04:00

Caution: Selfishness below

I can do this... Refocus and on top of that have faith, and love. Patience too.

The End

2009-07-26T22:07:00.002-04:00

I have hope for a rainbow. I am still, and even more so, divided in what i shall pursue as my lifelong career. Teacher or Dental.... I like them both a lot but teaching seems to call me at every turn. Every day at college, awakens me more and more and helps me realize that i need to make a solid decision because i can not go to college forever.

Pretty much one of my best friends made me really face something... well not entirely but made me look at what i'm doing. Am i doing this to prove myself or because of passion... Something like that. So thank you. again.

My entire body is still in butterflies and sighs and... happiness, thankfulness towards God. Something happened this weekend and i feel somehow more complete. Joy and content fill the gaps where words escape me.

I will be authentically caring. I feel it coming. As i know me well, though, i do know i am also selfish so forgive me for being bias as well. I am striving, without fret, worry or too much anxiety. And now that i have a grasp that everything will be okay by God, i feel a relief and hope that i haven't felt in weeks perhaps months.

My one suite mate is pretty chill, i talked to her a little tonight. The person i met earlier was her cousin. Oh goodness i feel stupid. Anyway, perhaps i should look over a few more details for my quiz tomorrow over last weeks lecture. I'm excited for this class. I am loathing and celebrating this challenge simultaneously. In a few weeks, perhaps my feelings on A+P will differ... :-)

PAST

2009-07-25T20:16:00.002-04:00

Reading through my blogs... :-) happy moments, still happy unchanged moments :-)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

wow... and i remember this now...

"I want my Jesus. I want to physically feel his arms around me and hear his heartbeat as it pulses calmly in my ear. I want my Jesus to tell me what's going on for me, but if he doesn't speak at all, i'll still be content.

So here i go to complain, like all the rest of the world- i will allow myself to be flushed away into what i consider this unacceptable behavior.

I want a friend to not fight with, to be able to talk with, to not have to fight for their attention, I want to be someone's friend, a real Jesus loving friend. One that doesn't live through habit, one that embraces change and deals with my fickleness and is supportive and we grow together with bible in hand. Where has that gone? how about a mentor? "

well, i have made a friend like that... currently my ex actually.. but he's still got this and i'm thankful for that. He has and hopefully always be like this. AND for the future of this year, this is what i aime for. Well, besides wanting my Jesus, who i had a date with today. The friend part- i will be all me and will fight to not be sucked into the human nature of everything proverbs says something against.. something like that... yea, so i pretty much read proverbs through twice today... two different versions.. actually still reading it in NCV but i'm taking a break... I went into coolige park today- hehehe and saw a water fountain! i wanted so badly to play in it... :-/ and a carousel!

and wow... so my hope of moving to maryland failed because the person i was going to live with got engaged... so thats why that didnt happen over the summer...

2009-07-25T19:42:00.002-04:00

I can not be the only one posting these days! i need something to read!

Speaking of which... any book suggestions? be bold!

Week One

2009-07-24T19:23:00.004-04:00

This water bottle has been with me at my desk and has been filled i think twice maybe three times a day which means i'm getting almost 2 3/4 more water than i used to be. :-) and that doesnt include the bottle of water i take with me to class in the morning. ;-) i usually only get half way throught that one. :-)

Yesterday i cracked open my bible... Let it fall where it may- and this is where i landed, and its still open on my desk.... Fell asleep right after i finished.. i think...

This is my pensive and mixed feeling face and my blah face...

And after week one of studying- i have created bags which i fear may become permanent. These have been here since last friday... they have moved in and are taking residency on my face. :-/ My body however, doesnt believe its ready for sleep quite yet because it seems to be telling me it would rather be awake doing something else.. something fulfilling, like apple crumb pie.. .mmmm... oh! i had rice today!! My stomach has been reintroduced to it recently and is still adapting because my sides are all tight like. that could be a good thing. yay for charcoal!

2009-07-22T22:34:00.002-04:00

stupidness...

on a good note, making friends... broken heart... cytokinesis! and afternoon naps... and bothersome dreams.... yea, this morning i woke up wondering if pastor ferguson was okay... dave ferg... i had a dream he was dying and today was his last day... and he didnt tell anyone! but somehow i found out.. .the day before i had a awkward jacob type of dream.. well i guess not too awkward... ;-) well.... lets keep that a secret... either way, SAU- get ready for some action!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB!!

Swim Away!

2009-07-21T21:15:00.007-04:00

Even this post is a broadcast soon regretted, i fear.
I must believe God IS good- I will persevere for the better or worse. And yet i contradict myself.

Look- you probably think your doing whatever your doing out of love and concern but i'd rather you (plural) leave it all alone. Thanks!

More and more i regret confiding in you people.
This immense regret is bubbling over to a state of mental chaos
So as a national broadcast stop telling other people my problems, emotions, cry fests etc.
Other people (ahem..) would rather not hear these additional aggravations.
Tell me why and I will soon understand.

My reason for these feelings are acceptable right now and healing is a long process, sometimes longer than the average but still a process nonetheless. I have rights and i deserve better treatment. And more for me than you, i shall have said such. My close friends are limited for reasons for which you (plural) are proving.

I have other things to spend my time doing instead of drowning in stupid teenage drama. This drama for which is unavoidable until further notice. So with care in my heart for 3rd 4th or 5th parties leave them out because (ahem..) its not meant for them.

The End

Fish swims away flustered...

Farewell

2009-07-17T13:17:00.003-04:00

Last week before SAU in picture format:

Off to Collegedale in a few hours. Before I sign off though...

I love you DAN!!! Yo my man ;-) with all innocence :D
Thanks for so much Carly!
Gabr*ela Ma#%* Elv*R :-)
My Sanity thanks to my roomies
Thanks for being my shoulder Casie B.
BISS: Ooomps oomps! STRIPPER!
Roxana: Golden Delicious
Jenna: Work Buddy, Craft Buddy and be the best Senior
Paige B: Be good, Do good
Paige S: Laugh with Joyous songs in your heart- God is Good
Salome: VICKY!
Mariela: DIP IT
Ricky: Green is good for the soul! :-))

I'm gonna miss English class with my homies and Bechtal classes with the crazy folk :-)
OH the disections!

2009-07-17T11:35:00.002-04:00

I LOVE this card!! i'm taking it with me to college!!! I think it was a valentines day card... that i'm not so sure about. anyway, I LOVE This card!! Yay for RED Campaign!! I can't help but love 'em

Pleasantville

2009-07-14T17:52:00.004-04:00

Lets start from the bottom and work our way up since my pictures came in reverse order!

and Finally, right before leaving there, a cute little shot Carly took. :-) also Cute, if i may say myself.

After everyone parted, my mom came to pick the two of us up and we went to highland Gardens. These are my two personal favorite from Highland Gardens.
Monday, my aunt from maryland called us out of our bed letting us know she was about two minutes away. When she arrived, we were both just getting started for the day. We woke up my little cousin and convinced her to hurry to get dressed and she never finished her breakfast even after 30 minutes of reminders to eat her breakfast. So we pitched most of her cereal and headed out to harrisburg and walked around the capitol with my aunt. Waiting for Jeremy and the gang to get there, we hung out from 11ish to 12 until i got hungry again and before my aunt left we stopped at tacobell for lunch and waited at a local park on front street until the gang arrived.
Here they are! from left to right ( top: jeremy, Justin, Jacob; Bottom: Carlita, Me) We went to city island and all got on a boat!

We got to the water banks and tested the rocks as we stepped into the water. In fear of losing my phone i eventually opted for the universal bra pocket. we saw this pretty cool tree chillin over the water and decided to join the tree for a viewing of the beginnings of the sunset.

Carly texted me sabbath afternoon and asked if she could stay with me for a few days. My grandma was at church but i asked my mom and she said my grandma shouldnt have a problem with it. Carly arrived at my house sometime Sunday afternoon with her dad as the driver ( a great and fun guy he is) and we unloaded carly's luggage from the pretty blue SUV type of mobile vehicle. After her dad had left with Kayleigh, Carly and I grabbed some water and decided to go for a pretty long walk. We both hit up the cemetary down the road. We found a fresh grave! The guy that was there lived to be in his mid-nineties. Obviously we didnt know a thing about him but it was pretty cool

After deciding to head towards a pretty cool creek we took a different way, adventuring the trails i failed to finish via bike the previous week. We picked eachother daises along the way as our welcoming gifts. :-) ♫♪♬ doododoodo... ♫♪♬
Along came an old house that has been under construction for over 10 years. We were impressed by the looks of it and wanted to venture inside of it. We saw gates and alarm system signs and such so were hesitant about going in that direction. I thought maybe there would be another driveway entrance on the other side because i remember stopping there on my bikeride last week. Anyway, we walked up the lane. I'm not the greatest story teller but when we got to the top we saw an old barn and this huge open area for the cars. There was a BMW in the lot! whoa! Anyway, there was a heavy looking door to the right of us, an old greenish door with an old hatch in front of us and glass doors to the left. We went from right to left, knocking on the three doors. Then we heard dogs!! ... An older gentleman answered from the sliding glass doors. We, rather Carly, asked about the house and was curious if maybe he could tell us a little about it. So he let us in, and his family was outback next to a pool. (pretty) BTW he had two poodles and a shi tzuh dog. He gave us a tour of the lower level. Carlita could probably give a nice description of the house so we can wait for her post if you care to know. After thanking him and his family for allowing us to visit, we headed on our marry way down the road. While there we learned the origianl house was built in 1851 and is still standing and the family had built additions to the house once they had bought the property.

Continuing on, we finally reached the creek and here the picture part of our adventure begins.

2009-07-06T23:55:00.002-04:00

No, it's not okay to be selfish. That's the last thing i ever want to be.

Emily told me today that she can bash on me and call me names left and right but as soon as it comes down to someone else .... well i told myself to stop it- to stop crying and being hurt because its selfish. not that being hurt is selfish but hurting and not thinking about how other ppl feel and responding to what they need too.

For the record, i'm trying. i went four days without crashing and i think that's an accomplishment.

this isn't about me

its about other people. i care about me too much and stuff like this isn't where i ever want to be selfish about.

its all about being selfless and loving others before urself

and i know i'm right

and i'm told the first rule to loving others is loving urself. and i need to take time for myself. (i get that)

i'm trying really hard to be internally and authentically patient and wait all this out and be open minded about other ppl

i really took last thursday night and contemplated. and i can protest as much as i want, but i have to really be authentically selfless and caring in my heart.

Dr suess

2009-06-26T21:55:00.002-04:00

Captured

2009-06-22T22:50:00.004-04:00

Some of my favorite moments spent with people, i regret not having remembered better. My first cryfest for example. Carly and I ending up in one of our rooms, on countless occasions, just crying. (it was me crying most of the time.) I remember a lot of the times, skipping lunch at Allen, to sit in with one of my mentors at the time trying to figure out right from wrong and talking about the future and a form of leadership i knew nothing about at the time. The two of us sitting behind a desk in 'rolling chairs' with stacks of papers, white macbooks and two printers that were probably bigger than me. Later, i remember sitting in the little white church inside of the ABC, being a kid again, making dinner for friends consisting of rice and any number of different toppings, and accompanied by moving pictures and cuddling.

but if i'd said it a hundred times before, expect a thousand more. Expect me to call you to see if i can make you smile. Just calling you to see if you're sleeping or dreaming, maybe dreaming.... Just calling you to see if you're okay while i'm not there, only like a thousand miles away... 182.51 mi.)

Another sappy blog.
::caution::

Because of my inability to tell i shall share in another form other than via phone.
The moments not on film or in jpeg form are also as memorable as those that are. However, it is this reason that makes it harder for the memory to remember and when remembered, make it all the more sentimental. In my case, and my lack of a working memory, perhaps it is even more valuable. I said that a date usually includes making plans to do something at a specific time in order to enjoy each others company- when it comes to the dating aspect, usually going out somewhere nice for dinner and then to see a movie. I used to tell kyle that we really never had a real date together, so he took me out one time just a few months ago. BTW it was AMAZING- i was as nervous as heck cause i don't know what one does on a date... i even asked him what i'm supposed to do. :-D

Cameras usually help out a lot towards keepsakes. Some of my favorites were never captured on camera. One of my favorite first memories with kyle was a photo-shoot with his sister and this guy who was crushing on me. We sat together on one side of a picnic table, but i felt the awkwardness.... Another time was just a few trees down to the left. I remember the scene, nothing that was said, just that we were there and something happened and it was cute.
But first date? I thought i'd remember it as the Chinese restaurant occasion, officially known as a date, and a first official date. Today, i thought about one of our first dates and i remember it at kyle's house with his family. It was sabbath. I can just smile thinking of it. it wasn't a first 'date' but i remember it as a type of date. Our dates making a fool of me trying to hit a little 1" cylindrical ball across the pingpong table, our one date where we had our first game together playing guess who? Dates reading the bible and figuring out what we believe as individuals and not agreeing on what bible we like most. dates playing house or with mommy nase teaching me blokus or rumikub. And one of the funniest was going grocery shopping together! Oh the looks!

I made it through my first week... almost. I did do a lot of texting, crying, calling, and tv/movies etc. Week two has launched and days are better but nights are still on the lower side. I suppose its normal especially for being the first boyfriend. Sorry guys, its life.

For the wisdom: Boys are jerks but sometimes they're worth our time- i made a great friend and was given awesome memories that i won't regret sharing with one of my best friends.

Persuasion

2009-06-22T14:39:00.002-04:00

I am persuading my uncle into sending me to poland.... so just cross your fingers!
I showed him my exceptionally good grades and guilted him saying that i am one of two remaining relatives of Thai decent. ...because he loves me. :-) My first shot was... hey you promised that one thing....but now i'm really trying to give him really good reason to. :-))

SO CROSS YOUR FINGERS AND PRAY HARD!

Date Day

2009-06-18T21:32:00.003-04:00

First, these three pictures below/above are the re-livings of Emily and my childhood. Curiosity caused to make attempt to shimmy our way through the tires in hope of still fitting...

The two pictures below with Shawn are from fun day with shawn where we walked to the park a few miles away and hung out and went to one of the creeks and swung on the tire swings. We made adventures with the 'castle' and climbed poles and got chased.

These pictures were on several different occasions. The picture above is one under one of the four bridges surrounding my house.

Sometimes i feel...

2009-06-18T21:11:00.002-04:00

off and on i get this feeling that no matter what i don't really amount to much and basically i'll never succeed. The words escape me now but these were the morning thoughts to my days beginning and i will not let it be the ruin to my day. anyway... too often i am getting this way and it continues to linger and playing with those old thoughts that i was sworn never to think about again do arise from time to time now. I would prefer to relinquish them however i do find truth in my feelings. taught by my own advice its not that easy. If i think it, the outcome will equal the perspective. I fear myself a failure in too many attributes to account for and even when i do try my efforts feel as if they are in vain (for lack of better description...).
A+P for example, i work hard and study and read and whatever but no matter the million different techniques I've tried i have failed to conquer the conquerable.
To pursue a great fulfilling career- wow.. scary thought. Truth: its hard finding a job i will enjoy studying, pursuing as a career and get really good income to live rather comfortably.
Drivers Test: well actually... permit... which i have failed to obtain...
among the several personal issues i will not discuss, i have opted for therapy in the fall and wallowing now and occasional study time in the chemistry and A+P field.

time to go inside now because there are goosebumps on my legs

Foreverandever etc...

2009-06-10T20:47:00.004-04:00

The title of this song is Kyle. It's the only 'kyle' song i found and liked the rest are country or vulgar songs so here's to you...

On the day you left i packed my bags and went home,
because fear has no place here. so i'll follow your lead and live my life like you.
always pushing forward with the weight of the world holding me back.

its time to stand up and walk!

the higher i climb, the air gets so thin, so thin!
but your love is my lungs, and i am breathing, breathing!

and though our bodies will come to pass, we will live on in hearts and minds. we will not die even when we cease to breathe. but in life, it is so hard.

the very air i breathe seems to suffocate me! its a constant battle, still i stand up and walk! for the higher i climb the air gets so thin, but your love is my lungs and i am breathing!

i climb this mountain, the path i walk is plagued with doubt. but i will not fail! i will not fall down! and i'll carry on until i hear you call me home. i will ascend! on shaking legs with heavy steps i'll bear this cup that weighs me down, but i wont fall. oh god, don't let me fall! "i try, to hold myself up but i cant go on unless you are here with me!"

I received two callbacks today from same area- i refused one and the other i have an interview for on friday- crossing my fingers. :-) I talked to a neighbor today asking for some work to do and tomorrow i hope for my reply. (again crossing fingers)

It's somewhat of a secret but i'm working on my first summer package and as long as all my items come together by next week i should have it out soon.

My feelings over college are nerve wrecking to say the least. My level is like a kitten standing in front of the big bad wolf hoping the kitten won't be eaten- I am the kitten. If i actually attend smartstart, i'll be there not having a clue what i'm supposed to do. But mostly i can not believe i'm actually going through with this investment. Southern is not cheap and i'm going to make my best efforts to make it by and yet i feel empty handed without much of a plan on how i'm going to pay for it other than landing a few jobs. I don't know why i always worry about finances but it seems to eat at me continuously. The idea of such a far distance from PA. It's like a three year old starting off with a blank sheet of paper and being expected to compose a musical masterpiece.

And for closer, i'm scared to be in love- enough said. .... may rather to love another... (not that i do but what if later...)

Lacking

2009-06-03T20:35:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I surprised Kyle at his front door wearing a cute little dress that i bought for seven dollars and his necklace and shoes that he picked out, topped with straight hair, pretty eyes and a darling smile.
Today I...

Dusted just a little
Cuddled
Played Smash for a good hour
Called SAU

Found my Adviser
Figured out the deadline for my first installment
talked with my adviser
looked at Campus jobs, found a few i like
Made my account for SAU

Ate lucky charms! :-) -you now it!
Changed my Account passwords

2009-05-27T19:50:00.003-04:00

All about Banksy

a really awesome artist- a street artist in fact is known as bansky
Go to www.banksy.co.uk

you'll figure it out

Tuesday an Wednesday

2009-05-22T13:07:00.003-04:00

a picture is worth a thousand words

class trip

2009-05-22T13:04:00.003-04:00

this is ass sunday and monday

2009-05-10T16:58:00.003-04:00

Let me do it
scream on the top of my lungs
run until i vomit up my heart
the way you laugh and how you whisper in his ear
just stop
No
it's been a long time
we talk all the time about this
how can i not talk to anyone
my joy has been sucked out of me
and yet it overflows
This feeling deep within my stomach...
i'm not allowed to talk to other boys and laugh and smile
and yet
you sit here in front of me and let her flirt with you and you flirt back
I just don't get it.
There wasn't any chance for me to not be a bitch about it
I'm the good girl- the polite one
i'll leave you two to your chit-chat
You seem to have more fun with her anyway
With all of them- they make you happy in a way i can't match.
I will never fulfill all your needs and nor will you, I
But its not right to seek out others to fulfill them if i can't or won't
and its not right that i'm not allowed to even so much as walk up to another male without your approval.
Faith, love, and trust

THE BIG TEN

2009-04-22T11:38:00.002-04:00

the big 10

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now:

1. I love you
2. Don't ruin your life
3. I'm sorry and i'm trying hard
4. I love that about you
5. Please don't hurt my friend's heart, take care of it
6. It's about giving AND recieving
7. Optimism is the key
8. I want your happiness more than anything else
9. An open mind can bring about a lot of positive change
10. I can't wait to see your shining face

9 things people may not know about you:

1. lack of integrity pisses me off
2. My love language is more than a problem, its a curse
3. Little children make me happy
4. i am allergic to bath soaps and handsoaps, no, not all of them
5. I am still friends with people from third grade
6. I connect best with adults and i continually keep a relationship with many of my former teachers
7.I'm scared to death of little rodents like mice- its the tail and little feet that get to me
8. My motivation comes from others around me, motivating me
9. Remember that time i screwed up my ankle? yea it still hurts

8 ways to win my heart:
1. love Jesus
2. be great with little kids.
3. Join me in craziness and lets be kids together
4. Community services
5. Be an achiever
6. Good dad material
7. Read, sing, perform
8. Smile

7 things that cross your mind a lot:
1. My brother
2. Dolly
3. People who i care about but hardly talk to
4. self-improvement
5. leadership
6. Hope for happiness and anything that brings little enjoyments
7. Being sociable

6 things you do before you fall asleep:
1. strip
2. read and reply to emails
3. wash face
4. say goodnight to god
5. Think about the things i need to accomplish in the next 24 hours
6. Go potty

5 things you notice in the opposite sex:
1. smile
2. eyes.
3. Attractive character/personality
4. body language
5. use of clean language as well manors

4 things you wish you never did:
1.worry.
2. self- doubt
3. be fickle
4. said what i didn't mean.

3 songs to describe your life:
... I don't know....

2 things you want to do before you die:
1. See Jesus happy
2.Have a deep Jesus based relationship and be in love

1 confession:
People intimidate me, its crowds of people what they can do, how they respond...

2009-04-14T21:52:00.002-04:00

will thank you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. Psalm 9:1

If i've never told you before you are amazing! I honestly don't know where i would be in life if you hadn't been there for me. I speaking your praise to Manente again today....

I LOVE YOU!!

HAPPY BiRTHDAY!

Fill in the Blanks

2009-03-31T19:19:00.004-04:00

It's been long since my last
And even longer since my first
Undivided
Unrelated
Love is my strength
I hope its like His
I seek humbleness
Purity seeks me
2 Corinthians 7:10
Psalm 126:5
But not too soon
For faithfulness will prove itself
And Love shall scream
Like the one who created it
James 1:19-20

End Scene

2009-03-12T18:22:00.003-04:00

Need more love in your life?

I'm sending you the love that you asked for!

MORE MORE MORE!

PS. This last quarter i read

Alice in wonderland
Crime and Punishment
hamlet
Dorian Gray
Oedipus
Comedy of Errors

2009-03-12T18:14:00.004-04:00

I've been working on this for two days now and today at 6:13pm i finished it! happy birthday kyle!

I was almost done at this point! I had gotten as far as the second layer done and i only had to flip two pieces and then i would mess up. i did it again and again... walked away... came back... go on a bike ride.. come back. :-) finally i finished..

The sad thing is that i would ask carly how to get a piece ready to do and she'd either do it or i'd start all over again. anyway long story short i finally did my own rubik's cube. :)

Sock Fuzz

2009-01-27T18:50:00.002-05:00

Anticipating the arrival of homeleave day for many of students attending BMA, could quite possibly the longest wait over any given month. When it is the week before homeleave, I am among the top most lackadaisical students on campus. Even when i stress over upcoming tests, in the end, i don not care because homeleave is coming, and i can shut my brain off and not feel pressured to read or study for a few days.

....

The only downside is knowing that Dolly is then returning to Poland.... Just before homeleave starts...

2009-01-05T21:36:00.002-05:00

1) What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Well i date now which means i have kissed a boy and made myself an open heart to them

I went to bob evans with Abby

Started to be a more loving sister

Didn't buy birthday presents for anyone that i remember

learned how to say no

went to Union College, Nebraska

drank peppermint capp. and liked it

Spent new years with a guy for the first time since my dad....

Shopped at American Eagle

Bought something from Hollister

Supported invisible Children foundation

2) Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year (this year)?

-Yes, my resolution last year was to authentically love, tell someone "i love you"(or any variation thereof) to only the people i mean it to

- No i did not make any new years resolutions this year

3) Did anyone close to you give birth?

-No one particularly close... my older cousin charity

4) Did anyone close to you die?

I don't think so

5) WHat countries did you visit?

The USA?

6) What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Character, leadership skills, and patience....Authenticity

7) What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

June 18th- Kyle/Nikki

8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?

From the things that come to mind, i choose my focus on self-improvement

Trying to experience more things,purposely involve myself into new activities and generally be a more sociable person

9)Did you suffer illness or injury

I had my wisdom teeth pulled at the beginning of the year... oh and my heart got broken... not by any boy though.

10) What was the best thing you bought?

Probably clothing i found that was under $7 like my jeans!

11) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Unmentionable due to feelings being offended...

12) whose behavior merited Celebration?

I've been very impessed by Mr. Gettys and Dean Cory at BMA and their efforts to be authentic staff members...

Dan's achievements and thought provoking nature

13) WHere did most of your money go?

Hands down it would be gifts and food

14) What did you get really, really excited about?

Not having photography class anymore, kyle getting out of Psych, and prob finding at least one really worth while book to read

15) What song will always remind you of 2008?

"You can have whatever you like" election song on good morning america

16. Compared to this time last year, are you?:

Wiser? no, i think Bma has dumbed me down, and i'm more incompetent and i think i've become less mature... i think i could be further academically if i was back in public school and i think my relationship with God would be different if not stronger if i were there too....

Healthier? Definitely not, being at BMA causes one to eat unhealthily and i do not have enough self motivation or discipline to exercise to be all i can be....

Richer? Richer in the sense that i am content with. I have not much of a care for money, it is only cloth that is becoming more worthless..

17) What do yo wish you'd done more of? More friendly, less antisocial, more energy,

18) What do you wish you'd done less of? Less Dependent, time needy, and double standard...

19) HOw much did you spend on christmas? hmm.. summing it all up a little over $100

20)Did you fall in love in 2008? practically speaking.... i'd like to say yes, but part of me says no. i do love but fall in love is a rather strong emotion.

21) What was your favorite blog post that you wrote?

"..Join with me in my sweat.."

22) what was your favorite TV programs?

Heroes... i started watching it and couldn't get past it... i also watched pushing daisies for some time period and its just rather cute

23) DO you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Hate, no... Dislike in the sense of aggravation that wasn't previous there, yes...

24) What was the best book you read?

hmm.... idk..

25) What was your greatest musical discovery?

in the past year?.... Jack johnson and Sanctus real

26) What did you want and get?

i didn't ask for anything... i asked to see kyle and that's waht i got

27) What did you want and not get?

considering i didn't ask for anything

28)What was your favorite film this year?

idk...

29) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

i got teeth pulled and i was 17

30) which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?

angelina

31) HOw would yo describe your personal fashion concept in 2008

budget, supporting local stores and plaid

32) What kept you sane?

music... and weekends away from bma, phonecalls from people far far away..

33) Who did you miss?

Dolly a lot... it would have been fun to bond with her my senior year especially when i am tired with the bma scene... and when i wasn't with Emily or Shawn i missed them...

34) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Take off your mask and be naked, and only make necessary purchases

35)

What did you lose this year?

i lost a lot of black tank tops, and a few friendships...

36)What did you gain this year?

a new passion, ambitions for the future and things to try out and i gained a love for someone that will always remain unconditional...

37) What was the best new person you met?

hmm... probably the enochs..

38) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

idk... So what! be rock star!