A VERy LOnG post!

I have some terribly dreadful news. Something that makes me wat to sit in a corner and be miserable with a bag of chips and my teddybear. Have u ever had almost everything you live for taken away fom you? (pr at least it seems like it)

Well, as you may remember me saying at an earlier date, my mom is telling me I'm not allowed up at the house when she's not home. So i'm not allowed to go home between 2:30-11:30pm so basically I can't go home unless I stay up waiting for mom to get home and then get up 5 hours later to go to school. I need to be able to have access to my computer and internet for school for my friends. So I live because of my friends and with out them I get extremely depressed...

So my choices are:

1. Disobey both my mom and grandmother (grams said the same thing b/c my mom told her that I wasn't allowed up at the house and told me I didn't need internet to get my h/w done)

2. Get a computer with net connection

3. Beg and make an agreement with my mom to let me be up at the house when she's not there. I'm willing to do all the cleaning, plus her room. (not like I don't clean already) but everyday now..

ok now going back in time when I didn't really have access to a computer.

AuG. 7, 2005

Emily came to my house man!! :D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D IT WAS AWESOME!!! We really didn't do anything though... but it was soo nice she came. But when she left I wanted to cry but I don't know why.... sigh... Maybe because she actually did what she said she wanted to do or because she was leaving and I wanted SOOOO badly for her to stay. Maybe it was because it happened soo fast or maybe because she was here at my house!!!


I know Dolly wouldnt be able to see me but I miss her more than imaginable. When or if I EVER DO see her I will be in tears, I'm sure. I DO know that much!! As for everything else I have know idea what it'll be like... Maybe I'll faint or hyperventilate. Grandma said I was speechless and pointing then I practically ran her over when I knew it was Emily at the door.


ONto a diff. subject Emmy G. says I"m greedy and selfish with my friends. True probably but think about it this way.. I share everything with her.- My room, clothes, secrets, computer, anything and everything I own!!! Everything I own and the family as well. So if I'm just a little selfish with my friends...? I think I feel like if my friends choose Emmie G. over me they won't want me any more and they'll spend all of their time with her and will love her a whole bunch more.. Sounds extremely stupid I know... I know i should doubt and I'm almost positive that none of my close friends would ever even consider doing such a thing.

ok going further back.... like a week into losing my computer probably...

"I don't know how many days its been without net but it has felt like forever!! I dont think I have been through soo much torture before.

I've been spending my summer days with my grandmother doing random things or just writing... I've been studying some math and working on my writing for school... I dug up a couple of old study books from under my nice organized bed and went down to grandmas to start refreshing my memory with some old skills and have been there ever since.

So besides studying math and writing I've been missing my Dolly and Emily every single minute of the day. Maybe a little exaggeration but hardly!! seriously... The last time I talked to Emmy I told her I was soo sick.. To round it up I got better.. Emily G. helped be get better by telling me to eat since I hadn't eaten for 3 days...

This torture is unbearable!!