Tioday is National Love day!

To all the people I love!!! (in no particular order) this is long btw

1. Katie C
2. Erin H.
3. Dolly P.
4. Shelby (both of you)
5. Jen (all of you)
6. Jenny (all of you)
7. Kaisy
8. Aaron
9. Amy
10. Ryan
11. Emily Y.
12. Renee
13. Melanie
14. Karen
15. Kaylee
16. Frank
17. Jeremy
18. Jiffer
19. Gina J
20. Gina B.
21. Laura
22. Ali
23. Abby
24. Sasha
25. Anna H.
26. Christina
27. Jeannette
28. Heather
29. Sophie
30. Tara
31. Karol or Carol
32. Kelsey N.
33. Katie
34. Rai
35. Valerie
36. Lexi
37. Kirsten
38. Andi
39. My auntie
40. Kim
41. My MICHELLE!!! ;)
I can' think of ALL my girls! but these are the ones that came to mind

ok now that we got that, I love you all!!!

I'm still thinking about what I should write about.. its probably not going to be any of those things i said in the previous blog either. And i finally got into my dear Erin's blog!! How amazing!! she's got TONS of pictures!!!
ok i'm off... i gotta write... :'(

Is it just me?

I feel kinda stupid for bringing this up but i think My uncle tim is talking to my bestfriend.. Which btw really bothers me..A lot....It's either Tim is pushing my buttons to really Piss me off or he's really chatting with Dolly... There's lots of things i don't like about him and the last thing i want is Dolly and my uncle to have ne type of relationship. I should really know Dolly well enough.. but i don't know!! I can't sign into MSN and that doesn't help any... My uncle is really ticking me off...

Anyway, i think i have found a good album because of wonderful Katie. I might just go buy it too!

In other news i'm starting my 2,000 word story.. its between..and its due next tuesday!! ugh!!!
war in iraq
a girl and her struggles with acceptance into a high prestigious school in France/Germany/Poland
A mother's life changes after she was raped when she was young
and, Lewis' father is expected to die before his next birthday. The father worries about his son finding the rigth path in life since he is still very young.

So anyway, over the weekend i read 2 and 1/2 books. I finished white horses and Green angel and i started Gifts and The private life of mona lisa.
ok i gotta figure out what i wanna do with myself.. i'm sick of math, and i'm really angry at my uncle. Dolly left out of no where.. stopped talking to me out of no where... I have that stupid 2,000 word story that's not even taking any form in my head and i have a interview write up which i haven't started yet. I need to finish those books too... i've only read 33 books through the entire year.. oh!! and my civics teacher was nice to me this morning so that was good. it started my day off going the right direction.:D

Daughers

"Daughters"

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]

and...
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry..
have you ever needed something soo bad you can't sleep at night
have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
have you ever, have you ever

What they Say

I thought thanksgiving was going to be good since mom's b/f was going to be at work and mom promised me she wouldn't have him for thanksgiving. Yea, stupid me, I believed her. How could I think i could actually have a nice thanksgiving. nuff said...I didn't eat and I sat in my room going through all my pix while dowloading the ones from Pete.

On the good side this morning I slept in because, for one it snowed last night and for two i had a nice dream. All I remember is that Emily was in it and she came to see me or something like that.. The night before i dreamed about Doll coming to visit and staying with me. First, I think we were being chased all through the house.. except it wasn't my house.. it had staircases and doors coming out of nowhere. When we finally got away from watever was chasing us i went to make my bed.. for what reason i dunno..prob. cause i dont like a bed thats not made. Doll came in to help and i said if she wanted to stay the night i'd put fresh sheets on the bed and she could stay in my bed and once i finished making the bed i was all hers for the rest of the day. Sadly I had to wake up from my dream.. :( They say what you dream about will never actually happen in real life, what happens in your dreams is the complete opposite...:'( which made me even sadder when I came to realize that.. I wish it could have been her beating me up, but not after leaving me forever to stay in Poland never talking or wanting to hear from me ever again.. and her telling me she didn't love me and she thought i was the most sensitive and annoying person she's ever met on the face of this earth. Of course, if that happened in real life i'd be totally crushed and i'd shoot myself on the spot. anyway, if that was a dream thats what i would want it to be because if what they say is true then i want nightmares the rest of my life!!!

Now for a couple of good quotes I would like to share..
"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long, 'til I'm going to need somebody to lean on."
- "Lean On Me"
"Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky, there would be no love in my life, there'd be no world left of me."
- Leann Rimes
"Hey my friend, I see your eyes are troubled, care to share your time with me?"
- Dave Matthews Band
"Take my hand, and hold on tight, don't let go, don't you dare even try, there are so many roads to travel, so much still to find, and with the help of our lord, I want you to help me try and reach for the sky."
-Marty Keith

"Let me be the one you call If you jump, I will break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart, If you need to crash, then crash and burn, you're not alone"
-Crash and Burn by Savage Garden -Sent in by Ashley

"Even if we never talk again after tonight, please remember that I am forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me"
-Chasing Amy

"I pull you from your tower, take away your pain, show you all the beauty you posess if you'd only let yourself believe"
-Sarah Mclachlan

"If I had only one friend left, i'd want it to be you."
-Paul Overstreet.

Caught like a leaf in the wind
Lookin' for a friend
Where can you turn
Whisper the words of a prayer and you'll find Him there
Arms open wide, love in His eyes
Jesus - He meets you where you are
Jesus - He heals your secret scars
All the love you're looking for is Jesus
The friend of a wounded heart
-by Wayne Watson from his song "Friend of a Wounded Heart"

"As we go on.. We remeber... All the times, we had together... As our lives change...come whatever We will still be friends 4-Ever "
-Vitamin C~Graduation Day Song

Every now and then we find a special friend, who never lets us down, who understands it all, reaches out each time you fall, you're the best friend that I've found."
-Jordan Hill - "Remember Me This Way"

"For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm...I turn to you. For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on...for everything you do, for everything thats true, I turn to you."
-Christina Aguilera (I Turn to You)
" When I'm lost in the rain, In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way And when I'm scared, losing ground When my world is going crazy You can turn it all around and when I'm down you're there Pushing me to the top You're always there, giving me all you've got "
-Christina Aguilera (I Turn to You) -Sent in by Ashley Delpidio

To be thankful

This year I have many upon many things to be thankful for and none of it could have happened without God.

My List:
First and above all these others.. even though i have dolly as number one(knowing someone died for us to save us AND knowing God will come back to get us so we may live with him)
1. Dolly and Kaylee
2. Allowing Dorota to stay in Poland for 10 more years
3. All the wonderful friends I have
4. Mom and I getting along (period)
5. To be able to go to BMA next year
6. A family learning to love
7. Mom coming to her senses
8. Dad still alive
9. Ampon still healthy for the most part
10. Seeing and staying with my auntie as long as I did as well as becoming even closer with her.
11. My wonderful middle school teachers
12. Miss. Emily and her gorgeous self!
13. if still being able to keep in contact with doll counts
14. books!!
15. Katie and all her love she's given me.
16. letting me live with grandma
17. Laura (enough said)
18. people who care about one another
19. music
20. Being free from disease
21. Being in a free country
22. Having internet to keep in contact with long distance friends
23. A bible at hand when I need it
24. Guy friends
25. teddy bears to cry on
26. patience (with some things)
27. pictures of the friends I miss! (all the ppl i don't get to see on the daily basis)
28. education(school)
29. A thing called caffiene (although i've forbid myself from it! :(( )
30. A camera to capture special moments
31. Forgiveness
32. LLC
33. bunnies (they can be cute!)

There's more.. I'm just too tired to type anymore!

Missing my Katie and Emily!! can't wait to see/talk to u again!

Let the owner take charge

I was reading in a book about daily devotionals for body, mind and spirit came across this one and liked it enough to post it right here in my blog.

I know to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For, I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me strength. Phil 4:12, 13, NLT

If you’ve ever felt stress, compare your life with the apostle Paul’s: “ I have worked harder, been put in jail more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again. Five diff. times the Jews gave me 39 lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. I have traveled many weary miles. I have faced danger from flooded rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the jews, as well as from the gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the stormy seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be Christians but are not. I have lived with weariness and pain and sleepless nights. Often I have been hungry and thirsty and have gone without food. Often I have shivered with cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm. Then, besides all this I have the daily burden of how the churches get along? (2 cor. 11:23-28, NLT). I was Paul able to hand all this? He didn’t He let God do it!! (Phil. 4:12, 13)

Pretend you are an employee of a large business owned by a single proprietor. You’re working on a multimillion-dollar deal that will either make or break the company. Every decision and action is critical. But you don’t have to worry about it because the owner is in control. You trust that he knows what he’s doing. Everything is in his hands, not yours.
You can have that same peace every day by relying on the infinite power, strength, and wisdom of your savior. You don’t have to be stressed out and sink under the load of your trials and responsibilities- let the Owner take charge!!!!

“When we can…rest confidingly in His love and shut ourselves in with Him, resting peacefully in His love, the sense of his presence will inspire a deep, tranquil joy. This experience gains for us a faith that enables us not to fret, not to worry, but to depend upon a power that is infinite. We shall have the power of the Highest with us…. Jesus stands by our side….As the trials come, the power of God will come with them (Ellen G. White, My life today, p. 184)

Exercise those trust muscles and let God carry the load.
Rise Rafferty

Fitforever by Kay Kuzma
pg. 115 (April 15th )

By the way Dolly, if your writing is SOO bad then why do I have an entire book of nothing but your publishings?!?!? tell me that!! ;) love ya babe!!

I what I did

While waiting all day long today, starting at 8 when I woke up I read a little bit, found a nice book Dolly might enjoy, and cleaned my room!! I spent 3 hours cleaning it up from one corner to the next. I put clean sheets on my bed, vacuumed, dusted every corner, unscrewed all my windows but one, polished the furniture, put away clothes, picked up all the gunk off the floor, organized under my bed a little, put a cover on an old book.. that plastic stuff.. I sharpened my pencils, talked to amy, updated myself on other peoples blogs, talked to kelsey and Gabby Marie, and talked to Jennie. I fixed my blue lamp, cleaned up around and behind my computer, reorganized everything under my desk from when it got destroyed..I also had an oppurtunity to check all my mail, delete old messages from my inbox, write some more notes for inside letters, decided on what i was and wasn't buying for people for christmas. Got talked out of getting anything for Dolly... WHich i think will end up changing...downloaded a picture of the lake at camp, cleaned all my windows and mirrors, found some installation stuff for my new laptop that i'm getting. (hopefully) But when it comes down to it i did barely anything.. all I did was clean my room.. I didn't clean the living room, I didn't clean the kitchen and i definitely didn't clean the bathroom like i usually do. But i did help do some dishes this morning at my grams house! And after i finished everything i sat and waited for Dolly, who never showed! SO I spent the whole day with my mom, cleaned my room and didn't go to my cousin's bday party that was at 2 so i could talk to Dolly like i said I would...
oh!! i'm finally getting my mail that someone sent me!!:)) I like the second choice! not the book!! no book will beat what was on the otherside!! ;) Everybody wants independence itself!! ;) I should see what i can do about downloading all this stuff to a disk at school or at the library since its faster.. I will see what I can do!

Remember I won't be here tomorrow!! So don't look for me!

since noon

After my mom came back from the store i came up to the house to maybe read the la boheme opera and check my email.. It is safe to say i did check my mail but i decided not to read the opera yet. Instead i figured, while waiting for my big little sister I will do some major cleaning in my room. :))

Now that i found my tape i am 31in around the waist.

I finished another book by alex flinn, fade to black and I started Pride and Prejidice but i dont think i will finish that book. I might just go pick up the postman again and read that.. I dunno... Maybe i should just start from A and read all the books to Z. ;) ok i'm off to finish cleaning my room while i wait.

As of today mom and I made two days out of the week in which I would not be here and I could live with so that her boyfriend could be here. So on Monday's and Fridays I will not be on the computer or the internet.Anything you want you'll need to call me. if you can't call me then i guess you're bum out of luck huh? Don't look for me those days. Every other day count on me being on!! i'll try my hardest to be online by 3:45 but no promises. Sometimes my grandma needs me to do something before I come up so it takes a little longer.

This coming Saturday evening I'm going Christmas shopping!! I ALMOST know what I want to get the selected few but it might be hard to get it to them if they're in Nebraska and Massachusetts and Maryland and Poland. I can't promise I will be able to send these people their stuff right away... :( sigh... they might just get it a little after christmas... I'm still debating because of all the postal costs! i think i'll cancel out the trip to Poland and send something a bit smaller than the last package.. i just found some stuff but it'll take the same size box as the last one... maybe i'll stick to the orginal plan...ugh... too much stuff i wanna get for these people but just not enough money and time!!! i still have december.. i have about 10days in december for somethings and almost 20 for others... i will work something out.. I can't wait to go shopping!!

What bugs me

I have been finding a gray and black dusty gift on my desk lately and wonder why its there. There's often a small clear bowl beside it where i find more of its contents. I find it quite desturbing to have my room smell like smoke. It is not a nice gift and I wish the person that left it there would stop. My room is not an ashtray!!!! But since I do not really don't live her anymore there is not much i can do to stop it.

To sum things up in my room it is not how i left it. I just wrote a paragraph but decided to delete it instead. So i will leave it at that..

I do not no much about fasting or much about fasting and my religion but my cousin wanted me to fast with her. Do not ask why... I have looked it up in the bible several time but i can never remember why it is we fast. But i do know, you don't eat! So, I will be fasting this entire week from monday to friday. I will at least try. It can not be all that hard.

To my Emily Y.:

I wonder where you are every single day! Will i ever find you!??!?! You are making this quite a challenge for me! You must be out there somewhere!! Earth to Emily S.Y.!!! Find a computer, or better yet, find a phone!!!! First call Katie, then call me. I WILL find you!!!

how i wish!

Random post!

Things I wish:
Above all: Be with God in heaven!
1. To be no child abuse
2. to let every person know what they have done to affect another person in their lifetime.
3. For Jen. to be healthy
4. For all things to go well with Dolly
5. For Dolly to find her moment of Clarity!
6. No dirty feet! ;)
7. All Camp ppl to live together or be close by
8. if not #7 then for Camp to go on all year round with out having to pay 210 bucks a week!
9.For my gram's health
10. For each person to know how much they are truely valued
11. Horses and Tigers everywhere
12. To go to Poland and France
13. To go to BMA
14. To go to Union or Southern
15. to be 18yrs. old.
16. The rich to help the needy
17. to fly
18. For everytime i thought of someone they would be there
19. For everytime someone needed a friend I could be there
20. A billion Daisies for Katie
21. For Teachers to know they are important
22. For everyone to be loved

TO Doll: Sorry I didn't talk to ya! I did wait thought! like 3 hours!!! Anway I hope you had a good day! xoxoxoxo muah!

its been forever

WEll!! I got my report card! ALL As and Bs. Which means Honor roll.

I've been working on a list of things for christmas presents to send to some the chosen few i wanted to spend on. :)) (mainly cause of budget! trust me if i had enough of time, money and creativity i'd get ALL my friends something...) I've been trying to figure something out for Emily Y. to send to her but i haven't thought of anything good.. I thought about chocolate covered strawberries so she'd remember our last night at camp and send it overnight or.. ummn.. let me look.. chocolate..A teddybear (since i love them!!) But i haven't really thought of anything good and with meaning to it since for one i don't know what she likes.. i made a list of what i did know and this is what i came up with...

teasing
chocolate
green
give wedgies
crafts including scrapbooking
and God

So i'm pretty limited.. I was looking for some sort of way to get to her but.. no.... Can you believe with all the camp ppl i know including staff not ONE person has heard from her??!?!?! I started to get worried and then gave up on it cause I was getting no where. I asked everyone!!! I emailed everyone!!! but then i couldn't email them cause my puter froze and i ran out of time to get back on.. :(( I'm going to ask around again to find out some things Em likes.. hopefully i'll get somewhere... I gotta make sure i still got her address.. and zipcode... katie this is where you will come in!! My dear katie!!

Ummn.. Lets see here.. who else.. There was Katie and cousin emily and my auntie. I haven't made a definite on this but i need to work out some budget arrangements so I spend just about an even amount on everyone and still have left over of some kind.. i have what.. 200 and i only wanna spend half that on everyone. I really cut back on who i got this winter because i usually over do it. I LOVE getting presents for people!!! I wish i could give ppl gifts all year long but i'd be totally broke if i went that way.. thats why i have to stay away from shopping cause i NEVER go home without something for someone else!!! My cousin, who often goes with me has to walk around with me and make sure I don't buy anything for someone else when the money is ment for my own spending... That's when she can catch me!!! :D

ummn.. I made some new pages in my notebook. I made one for..Katie, Dolly, Jeremy and Frank and Amy and Ryan and GinaDawn!! My back pages are Jen. F and Melissa and A prayer list along with another list of books to read or books i should look into. something like that..

Nothing exciting happening... Have been reading like crazy.. and thats it..let me think...what else. I got my hair done! i have to do a few things to fix it up a bit but other than that I'm good.
Mom and I haven't been fighting so that's also a plus.