Dr suess

Captured

Some of my favorite moments spent with people, i regret not having remembered better. My first cryfest for example. Carly and I ending up in one of our rooms, on countless occasions, just crying. (it was me crying most of the time.) I remember a lot of the times, skipping lunch at Allen, to sit in with one of my mentors at the time trying to figure out right from wrong and talking about the future and a form of leadership i knew nothing about at the time. The two of us sitting behind a desk in 'rolling chairs' with stacks of papers, white macbooks and two printers that were probably bigger than me. Later, i remember sitting in the little white church inside of the ABC, being a kid again, making dinner for friends consisting of rice and any number of different toppings, and accompanied by moving pictures and cuddling.

but if i'd said it a hundred times before, expect a thousand more. Expect me to call you to see if i can make you smile. Just calling you to see if you're sleeping or dreaming, maybe dreaming.... Just calling you to see if you're okay while i'm not there, only like a thousand miles away... 182.51 mi.)

Another sappy blog.
::caution::

Because of my inability to tell i shall share in another form other than via phone.
The moments not on film or in jpeg form are also as memorable as those that are. However, it is this reason that makes it harder for the memory to remember and when remembered, make it all the more sentimental. In my case, and my lack of a working memory, perhaps it is even more valuable. I said that a date usually includes making plans to do something at a specific time in order to enjoy each others company- when it comes to the dating aspect, usually going out somewhere nice for dinner and then to see a movie. I used to tell kyle that we really never had a real date together, so he took me out one time just a few months ago. BTW it was AMAZING- i was as nervous as heck cause i don't know what one does on a date... i even asked him what i'm supposed to do. :-D

Cameras usually help out a lot towards keepsakes. Some of my favorites were never captured on camera. One of my favorite first memories with kyle was a photo-shoot with his sister and this guy who was crushing on me. We sat together on one side of a picnic table, but i felt the awkwardness.... Another time was just a few trees down to the left. I remember the scene, nothing that was said, just that we were there and something happened and it was cute.
But first date? I thought i'd remember it as the Chinese restaurant occasion, officially known as a date, and a first official date. Today, i thought about one of our first dates and i remember it at kyle's house with his family. It was sabbath. I can just smile thinking of it. it wasn't a first 'date' but i remember it as a type of date. Our dates making a fool of me trying to hit a little 1" cylindrical ball across the pingpong table, our one date where we had our first game together playing guess who? Dates reading the bible and figuring out what we believe as individuals and not agreeing on what bible we like most. dates playing house or with mommy nase teaching me blokus or rumikub. And one of the funniest was going grocery shopping together! Oh the looks!

I made it through my first week... almost. I did do a lot of texting, crying, calling, and tv/movies etc. Week two has launched and days are better but nights are still on the lower side. I suppose its normal especially for being the first boyfriend. Sorry guys, its life.

For the wisdom: Boys are jerks but sometimes they're worth our time- i made a great friend and was given awesome memories that i won't regret sharing with one of my best friends.

Persuasion

I am persuading my uncle into sending me to poland.... so just cross your fingers!
I showed him my exceptionally good grades and guilted him saying that i am one of two remaining relatives of Thai decent. ...because he loves me. :-) My first shot was... hey you promised that one thing....but now i'm really trying to give him really good reason to. :-))

SO CROSS YOUR FINGERS AND PRAY HARD!

Date Day

First, these three pictures below/above are the re-livings of Emily and my childhood. Curiosity caused to make attempt to shimmy our way through the tires in hope of still fitting...

The two pictures below with Shawn are from fun day with shawn where we walked to the park a few miles away and hung out and went to one of the creeks and swung on the tire swings. We made adventures with the 'castle' and climbed poles and got chased.

These pictures were on several different occasions. The picture above is one under one of the four bridges surrounding my house.

Sometimes i feel...

off and on i get this feeling that no matter what i don't really amount to much and basically i'll never succeed. The words escape me now but these were the morning thoughts to my days beginning and i will not let it be the ruin to my day. anyway... too often i am getting this way and it continues to linger and playing with those old thoughts that i was sworn never to think about again do arise from time to time now. I would prefer to relinquish them however i do find truth in my feelings. taught by my own advice its not that easy. If i think it, the outcome will equal the perspective. I fear myself a failure in too many attributes to account for and even when i do try my efforts feel as if they are in vain (for lack of better description...).
A+P for example, i work hard and study and read and whatever but no matter the million different techniques I've tried i have failed to conquer the conquerable.
To pursue a great fulfilling career- wow.. scary thought. Truth: its hard finding a job i will enjoy studying, pursuing as a career and get really good income to live rather comfortably.
Drivers Test: well actually... permit... which i have failed to obtain...
among the several personal issues i will not discuss, i have opted for therapy in the fall and wallowing now and occasional study time in the chemistry and A+P field.

time to go inside now because there are goosebumps on my legs

Foreverandever etc...

The title of this song is Kyle. It's the only 'kyle' song i found and liked the rest are country or vulgar songs so here's to you...

On the day you left i packed my bags and went home,
because fear has no place here. so i'll follow your lead and live my life like you.
always pushing forward with the weight of the world holding me back.

its time to stand up and walk!

the higher i climb, the air gets so thin, so thin!
but your love is my lungs, and i am breathing, breathing!

and though our bodies will come to pass, we will live on in hearts and minds. we will not die even when we cease to breathe. but in life, it is so hard.

the very air i breathe seems to suffocate me! its a constant battle, still i stand up and walk! for the higher i climb the air gets so thin, but your love is my lungs and i am breathing!

i climb this mountain, the path i walk is plagued with doubt. but i will not fail! i will not fall down! and i'll carry on until i hear you call me home. i will ascend! on shaking legs with heavy steps i'll bear this cup that weighs me down, but i wont fall. oh god, don't let me fall! "i try, to hold myself up but i cant go on unless you are here with me!"

I received two callbacks today from same area- i refused one and the other i have an interview for on friday- crossing my fingers. :-) I talked to a neighbor today asking for some work to do and tomorrow i hope for my reply. (again crossing fingers)

It's somewhat of a secret but i'm working on my first summer package and as long as all my items come together by next week i should have it out soon.

My feelings over college are nerve wrecking to say the least. My level is like a kitten standing in front of the big bad wolf hoping the kitten won't be eaten- I am the kitten. If i actually attend smartstart, i'll be there not having a clue what i'm supposed to do. But mostly i can not believe i'm actually going through with this investment. Southern is not cheap and i'm going to make my best efforts to make it by and yet i feel empty handed without much of a plan on how i'm going to pay for it other than landing a few jobs. I don't know why i always worry about finances but it seems to eat at me continuously. The idea of such a far distance from PA. It's like a three year old starting off with a blank sheet of paper and being expected to compose a musical masterpiece.

And for closer, i'm scared to be in love- enough said. .... may rather to love another... (not that i do but what if later...)

Lacking

Yesterday I surprised Kyle at his front door wearing a cute little dress that i bought for seven dollars and his necklace and shoes that he picked out, topped with straight hair, pretty eyes and a darling smile.
Today I...

1. Dusted just a little
2. Cuddled
3. Played Smash for a good hour
4. Called SAU
1. Found my Adviser
2. Figured out the deadline for my first installment
3. talked with my adviser
4. looked at Campus jobs, found a few i like
5. Made my account for SAU
   
5. Ate lucky charms! :-) -you now it!
6. Changed my Account passwords