It's all about Letting Go

After the sermon (which i had no idea what it was about) time for song service then for our seperation into our classes. Trisa came up with me today and after class she played the piano for me. She is really really good even though she only had a few lessons on the piano. When I say a few I mean a few! It has been like 3 months since i saw her last. She wasn't supposed to be up with me but she was. :)

I was home right before 3 came around. Brought Shawn in and he layed down on the couch. I then came into my room and logged in and looked for three people and none of them were on so I decided to take a nap myself. Before I lied down I gave my friend Deb a call since she hasn't been at church because of some friction between the two. No answer. Then decided to set my alarm for 4 since it was already 3:30 and Doll wasn't online. Alarm went of, took a glance at the screen, no Doll. Go back to sleep. I woke back up at 5 sharp and decided it was too late for Doll to be on and Jenny might still be out and about and Jen hadn't been on for almost 2 days now. Found myself something to snack on. Between 3 and now which is about 9:15 my mom went out and did her own thing. She came back just a little while ago and decided she wanted my password for my settings and wanted my cam for the computer. Took about one second and thought about what Doll had told me before and figured there was no point in arguing or asking why. Although i did give attitude which was expected from me with the attitude she gave me about it.

She then told me to get off the computer and sign her into my dad's settings. She said she'd tell me what she was doing but she wouldn't tell me when I asked her. She finally spilled though. She said that she found someone on camera waving to her/me today when I was at church and he said hi nicole. She said he was in his 40s, had brown short hair that was pulled back (that didn't make sense to me), and wore glasses. He apparently knows me if he knows my name but I do not know anyone thats a male and wears glasses and with that discription.. With this information I am not sure if i should believe it or not. I think she actually believes me though. That i ahve know idea who this person is. Which I don't. She said she's gonna be taking me into school Monday and that she's gonna be talking with the school about the bus and where it's going to be picking me up and dropping me off for safety reasons. "I really Don't mind walking at all", I told her. I said I can safely walk from point A to point B. I know basically every person that passes me everyday on the road so I'm in no danger and plus I have my neighbors to go to if any danger does happen to pass my way. Also, ever think about God watching over you? yea.. Plenty of reasons why i'm ok with walking. but the less walking I guess the better. I guess I won't be walking my daily mile..:(

ok I own one dress...I lied doll..:( I searched in my closet and I found one!! Doll, u look soo much better in one than I!! this is exactly why I don't wear dresses!

Off she goes

Now because of you, Dolly, I forbid myself to use potty mouth. I will have to study that list though... :) This is yet one more reason why I love you soo much! :P ;)

Nothing exciting, as usual. Jennie has spent her last day as an Allen student for the year and is off to New Cumberland school now. :( sigh.. As I walked down to the office with her during lunch my whole year with her had just flashed past me. In attempt to keep myself together I conforted her with positive things assuring her she'll make new friends as she always has.

Entering the cafeteria I was almost scolded for being late which would lead to no lunch plus detention. Before he had a chance to say anything to me I told him I was in the office, which where I was. With a untrusting look at me he allowed me to pass and eat lunch. I had suddenly lost my appetite but figured somebody would want my food. Gave half my pizza to Kaylee, chips to eric, and drank my ice tea and ate my peaches. I figured well if Doll asks i can at least tell her i ate something. :) At 1:15 we had our class picture taken. shortest to tallest. You know what I hate about that? I'm one of the shortest people in the 8th grade! :( I guess its all good. Front and center as usual in these kinds of pictures...:(

With that, for tomorrow I'm planning on waking up at 7am, get ready for church, leave at 8, come home around 2 or 3 then find whos online and whos not. From there I will decide whether or not I'm going to read my bible on my bed and then take a nap. Hopefully I'll find something read. I've skimmed through most of the bible but only actually read about the size of the new testiment. :( God willing, he will help me find a new section to read and help me follow. :D

OH!!! one more thing to add!!!!!! I SAW JENNY B.!!!! (S) I talked to her too!! I heard her speak even! It's been such a LONG time since i've seen or heard Jenny. I was just reminded how much i love and miss that girl! I also remember why it is that she was my fav. counselor of all time! Too bad shes not going to camp this year..:'( She rocked. Luv you Jenny! u know I do! hehehe

And the Beat goes on

This morning Jen Bigham was online and well! I imed her telling her how much i love her and how worried I was and such not expecting a response. :D:D The night before Jenny B. informed me that she was ok although she looked tired after she got out of the hospital. She said that she talked to her so I believe her that she is well. :D:D YAY!!! :D:D:D

In other news, My mom made a total violation of privacy. She read my journal. Not a big, big deal but still. She read something more recent on how I wanted to kill my self and how I wanted Alison to be my mom. So my mom is ticked. She went to my dads around 1am and then called my uncle and all this junk. She's planning on going to MD this weekend and hopefully she goes because I wanna be by myself and go to church without any interuptions. So now she wants to kill herself.. She was in one of those moods again if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I gotta go. peace. God bless

flying Colors

Sitting in the computer lab this morning I spotted mrs. Umphrey at the door. She was just stopping in to see whats goin' on since her room was being used by the spanish teacher. she started to talk to some students in the front row and then spotted me. She started to talk to me but me not being able to lip read i didn't know what it was she was trying to tell me. Giving her a blank she just motioned to forget about it like it wasn't important. This started my day.

8:30 came around and it was time to show how much i really suck playing the violin. Hydan Strings was the piece for the day. I practiced and practiced and yet i still can't get it. Discussing the issues in this piece, it's not hard really just counting, I suggested we play something we all know since the conert is right around the corner and we still haven't mastered the music. She dug and dug and found music for our trio to sight read. No, not going to happen. Sorry.. That didn't go too well either.

I signed up for colorguard and boy, I made a real bad move there. We were told not to say can't so I'm going to put it another way. I will never learn to properly spin a flag. Our instructors, mrs. Fodness and Senorita Jen Anderson. Senorita helped me out a lot more than any one else no matter how hard they tried. Threw the pole in the air, no longer in my hands, down it went. thats just tossing it. I was more amused by watching the colors go round' than trying to catch a moving pole, spinning. So every Tues. (hopefully) I'll be at school tossing a flag in the air and attemting to catch it.

if u want it done, u gotta do it yourself

Friday when i got off the bus i was kidnapped by my aunt and she took em' and I out for some flipflops.. Not those ever so comfy spongy ones that Doll has but.. I'll get them! I spent the weekend at Em's house staying AWAY from the computer waiting for a reply from Wendy. with my impatience its hard. But i managed to keep myself preoccupied. :) Getting home today, I went straight to my email and scrolled and scrolled. Nothing.. not one email from camp. Right now i just wanna march up to Wendy ( with love) and pour out my heart and everything else i have got. It's really hard not to just lay down and cry all day long, as pathetic as that sounds it's pretty much what i want to do. God has givin me strength so far. which i thank him for!!:D

About staying at Em's house it was as usual. I had the chance to get away from my mom even though i called her every day making sure everything was well and seeing how she was. Her and I goofed around most of the day and created some more inside jokes! SS!!! U can't yell at me!! I have a badge!! ::snatch:: ::AHH!!!!GRR!!:: heheheSaturday the parents went to work and our uncle gave us things to do and it had to be done by five. Saturday night we watched the notebook, Taxi, after the sunset and i forget the other but we watched them. Sunday morning i read but got too bored with the book cause I really want to read Bel Canto. I haven't had the chance to get the book yet.. :(( I'm working on it.. I asked my library teacher if she passes the library on the way home but she said no.. so I'm off on my own. No car.. This stinks.. I feel you, Doll! without a car u can't go anywhere in the states unless u ask someone to take u or do it for u! :( :P

Today was just one long boring day for me.. I did absolutely nothing exciting at all.. The only thing thats just the tiny bit interesting is dumb.. I spazzed out today about mrs. Umphrey wearing a pink shirt. This shirt was just not just a pink shirt. It was the shirt that her and I and candii made a lil inside comment about. Candi and I commented on how cute it looked on her one day and then did something cute. ITs really complicated to explain. But we had like an inside joke type of thing. And this morning when i saw her in it i was flipping out. I didn't mean to! I really didn't. It was just such a good memory. And then she heard me and gave me this weird but really cute look. like "are u crazy?" type of thing. I would have takin a picture but i don't think she'd be too happy with that. She'd be chasing me down the hall!! that'd be interesting... watching a barefooted pregnent lady who has yogurt in one hand chasing me down that hall screaming give me that camera you b*tch!! Yesterday she was really sweet though. When she came back. I got a silent hello from her. I think I'm making progress. :D That'd be really nice if by the end of the year she'd actually talk to me. isn't that a dream! Anyway, I'm going to bed once again. I slept from around 5 until 8:30 today. I was soo tired.. I still am.

DOll

DOll,

I made it to 104 as of tues night! is that close enough??? cause i literally ate everything in the fridge..

Some people

It's been a whole entire day and I havent gotten too many more signings!! Some certain people are starting to feel unloved here!! ONE PERSON was added!! How pathetic is that?? I did better in one day without the use of Blogger. Now c'mon!! if you guys love Dolly then I'd suggest that at least read it and tell me u read it!! SERIOUSLY! You people must not love Dolly!! :'( I see how it is!! ;) Not even Dolly's own sister!! how pitiful!! Patti how could you?! ;) ne way, love u Doll!! I LOVE YOU!!! Unlike everyone else apparently! It's ok!! I'm gonna jump in the shower while my mom is gone. LOVE U DOLL!

Tomorrow's Past
A day had gone
A day in the past.
Today is now, but it will not last.
A memory is to be formed, but it'll soon have passed.
Express how you feel for you never know
There might not be a tomorrow.
Live life and every precious moment.
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is yet to Come.
All we have is today, and soon it'll be gone.

People!! only 20 of you have signed!!! Doll is worth much more!!

OK Dolly! I hope this all is correct info. if not fix me before I send it out this week! and if theres stuff in here u don't want in it let me know and I won't have a prob. with it!

Dear Fellow Campers as well as friends and family,

As some of you already know a very good friend and counselor is not being accepted back into Laurel Lake Camp this year. In previous entries on her blog she has posted some items that have been a disturbance to the people in charge at camp. Let me explain this to you. Dolly’s expressions do not mean she takes action. She is certainly not the type of person to do pot. If you know the REAL her or know her period she would never do such a thing. In today’s female young people we tend to take a type of revenge without actually doing anything. This is what I'm guessing she does as well as many other females. In this certain blog entry she recalled somebody accusing her of being a “naughty girl.” She is no where close to being a naughty girl, she is simply not one.
She quotes, “because perhaps addressing it at all is incriminating- is that this is the second time in the last week someone has aluded to "how far" I have gone in my relationships. I am thinking, HELLO!!!! And the ironic thing is, I know of other girls who are off doing way naughty and dirty things and everyone just thinks they are down-home good ol' girls. What did I ever do to earn this kind of curiosity? Isn't it clear that number 1 fear in Dolly's book is what would happen to her should she ever give up such a sacred part of herself- a part you can never get back! I mean, dude, talk about giving up control… If at this point I have shocked you to the point that you think you might not know me, that is exactly how I feel when someone questions my virginity. Thank you." For those of us who don’t know what incriminating means it means being accused of a wrongful act. Dolly is not going off doing these naughty things for she knows right from wrong, and this is wrong. She also knows being a christian, it is not right either. Independence is a very important thing to her. This Sarasm lead her to saying smoking pot and having a fling. Two things of which she’d never do or even attemp. She has assured many people of this too!!(AND did you notice how she also said she’d never do this?? Yea!)

Let me list a few things that are wonderful about Dolly. When someone is in trouble of some kind she goes to great lengths to help them out and support them. She always includes God in her day in some way and is an example to the people around her in Poland. She also is very kind to everyone and keeps in touch with the campers and staff through out the year. She often becomes side tracked because she is always helping a friend in need. She is an example of God in many ways.

Not having her as a fellow staff member of our camp would be a crime. Many kids and other people have heard about the situation and also know Dolly well enough to know she would never do such things. She is not perfect but she deserves a second chance just like God gives us a second chance- the people at camp should also do the same. It would be a great loss if just because what she said something like that she was totally excluded from the camp known for their greatness and the many loving people who care so much. Please give Dolly a second chance and let her be a councselor at Laurel Lake Camp. As I said before many of the campers as well as friends and family have heard of the situation at hand and we believe it is only right to do something about it because we care so much. Shall we pray that she is going to be welcomed back at Laurel Lake this summer and the following summers to come!!

Ok, just either post a comment or send me an email and let me know u wanna sign. The few people that do read this anyway. (DOlly you don't count!!) This was originally going out tomorrow (wednessday) but I want more people to sign it. So either tell lots of people bout it if u have already signed or sign yourself and then tell ppl! OK? Ok!! Now Dolly hasn't found out about this until just now. She knows i was doin something but didn't know what exactly. There's no turning back now!

Making this clearer to people, If dolly you wont mind, the link to the page where this started from. Wendy the head person at camp must have read only part of her blog entry. So we suppose she hasn't read it all. Also, Dolly thinks that once Wendy makes a decision "the book is closed". What are u signing is that you want Dolly to be there and you think that it is ( i wouldnt put it as wrong) but not fair? to not allow Dolly to work at camp this year and the years to come. We are trying to change Wendy's and anyone else's mind to rehire Dolly at camp. So below is teh entire blog entry that apparently Camp is making such a big fuss about. :( We wANT HER BACK!! DON'T WE?!?!? :D

http://bryce.unixtips.org/dolly/2005/01/grand-tour-of-compromising-fling.html This is the page which will take you to where Wendy must have read from.

Eat, Eat, Eat

Let me post this first!!! Mrs. Umphrey should be back in school tomorrow!!!!!! :D :D:D:D And Second Mrs. Denko had her babies and they are soo cute!! They lil boy's name is Bryce and I forget the girls. but they are soo cute! And Bryce has Very pretty blue eyes! I'm so jelous..

Anyway I've been eating soo much. And yet I haven't even reached 100 pounds! yesterday I was 101 and today i went back down to 98. If it keeps up like this we may never seee food touch Dolly's lips ever again. :'( :'( I sent my mom out tonight with my $25 check to cash and go get me some fattening food. That $25 dollars was going to go toward the camp store this summer or maybe a new pair of sandals. sigh.. I've been doing soo much for Dolly!! You better feel loved girl!!! Tomorrow I'm sending out that email, hopefully.. All this week and until i reach the goal of 105lbs I'll be eating up a storm. For one of the holidays I got Doll a nice pretty glass rose which is still in its package unharmed. LUCKILY!! My lil bro gets at everything. What else, I've made it a goal of mine to talk to doll everyday afternoon she is online, unless of course I'm soo busy with my mom. I've also been calling around, long distance i might add, to people asking for permission to add their name to this "list". Hmm.. Calling Camp at least twice a week too. Been going around denying people of food and a couple of bucks so I can eat lunch myself. So I hope you're happy Dorothy!! :P I know you must be!

And in other news Jennie W. is moving!!! Once again she'll be moving to another school and if i'm not mistaken it'd be like her 8th time moving. It's sad.. I've been trying to keep myself occupied so it doesnt distract me from my normal day. Don't worry Jennie its not that your not important its just I've been soo busy and preoccupied with getting food in me, Keeping up with the house and groceries it's been hectic. Plus my mom's stress and the "counceling" i've been doing with her. I know the food sound dumb but it's been taking up quite a bit of my schedule! Along with all this other stuff that needs to be done for Doll. You know. I will spend some time with you before you leave! Can't promise though..:( I don't wanna break it.. you know?
Anyway, I have to go wash some dishes and then start my homework. Peace out!

what a load!

my goodness people!! Thursday and Friday I had my very dear friend in mind and prayers. My fingers were crossed, notes all over my notebook and the whole nine yards. Saturday came along and still no word from this anonymous person (lets call her Becky). Sunday she was on my mind as well while cleaning the house and chatting with Dorota. Today, this morning, I went straight up to her and wanting to ask her I couldn't. There were too many people around to ask her on such a personal level, I guess. I knew before hand that she would be absent from school but I wasn't sure what for. So after my morning hellos i went off to my locker and prepared for the first few mods of school. Anxiously waiting for lunch to roll around for that would be the only other oppurunity I would have to talk with Becky alone and ask all question I needed to. Confirming she was ok I was really relieved! After spending 4 days and 4-5 mods without a clue as to what had happened and if she was ok. Being soo relieved I ran over and gave her a huge hug almost in tears in relief after hearing the story she told me. (which i won't go into detail with) It was more like and explanation than a story but u get the jiff. I Hugged and hugged and hugged and didn't want to let go but a friend of mine came in search of me and gather me for lunch. Otherwise I would have completely skipped it without a second thought. I just wanted to talk to Becky and catch up on everything that I missed. Unfortunetly I dragged myself to lunch. Then the thought of Dolly popped into my head!

Dolly, as i remember said she wont eat until i weight 105lbs. So with this in mind while going through the line i took everything that looked good to me and without having to pay too much extra because i still owe money to 2 other teachers for homework. While still eating a couple people came up asking for something to eat cause i usually give them over half my lunch. Today, sadly but firmly told them no. I told them I had to eat otherwise I was getting my butt kicked! And that I feel guilty for opening my mouth to Doll and telling her I haven't been eating... :( One person, eric to be exact, persisted on me giving up my doritos. Taking them out of my possesion i whirled around and snatched them back! scolding him after I had just told him I needed to eat for those reasons. he gave me a puppy dog face and then walked off, which at this point almost giving it back to him and apologizing for the rudeness. But i figured with him being a guy he'll quickly get over it. No worries there. So all this I did to please Dolly and yet I do not even weigh 100lbs!! and she expressed to me how terribly hungry she is and that she GAVE AWAY HER TREATS SHE MADE!! I feel sooooo bad...

OK people

Ok people, here the scoop. Because of this mouth of mine, Dolly is not eating. The one time i had to blurt it had to be about food. No, i didn't call Doll fat if thats what your thinking. I accidently said i havent been eating. There is good reasoning to this though!!! My table people at lunch would understand. Last week I wasn't feeling soo hot and i went to the nurse where she forced me to eat pretzels. my friends saw me eat lunch but not much. Friday night when I was at my friend's house I ate next to nothing there too as Dolly would say. I knew i wouldnt be able to eat it all but i wanted to be polite, especially with his aunt and uncle there. I haven't been able to look at food all week without being discusted just by the smell. no matter how much i liked the food. I'm not a picky eater either! The only stuff i don't particulary like is hotdogs and my mom's chicen. This week i barely ate yogurt so thats my reasoning for saying i didn't eat. well, i said i havent eatin forever. Which felt very true to me. cause if Doll had asked me what i had eatin this week itd only make one full course meal total. For me this is normal not to eat. I think its cause its warmer out. But then it could all just be in my head as some people would say. Not to alarm you i have been drinking lots of fluids. I even drank some real chocolate milk this morning! So because of me and my mouth I made it so doll won't eat. So if my friends would help me out this week, make me eat no matter how much i don't want to! Make me eat until i weight 105lbs! My dolly has to eat! She will not make it one day without eating. I know her!! with everything that goes on in her life she has to eat to keep going. So help me out here!

NO!!!!

While I hold my breath Dol is out there finding another camp to go work at!! :'( Just thought I'd let ya'll know!! AND i'm planning to send that certain thing I've been working so hard on out this week. So If anylast signings want to be added nows your chance cause I can't wait forever to send it to you know who about u know what. She might choose her last counselor and then all that work will have gone to waste.. :( So I thought I'd let ya'll know whats going on.

Making Progress

Although it's very little it means so much to me!! A total of 18 people! 2 more and I'll have reached my goal!! maybe I can get Jenny S. and Jen b. They haven't said anything yet. And i Have just emailed gina about it so maybe I'll get a response from her. My cousin in church today wrote a whole letter today about this! She hasn't even really met the girl!! She wants me to email it to someone thats in charge. I was thinking. What if, because of all the action I'm taking, they won't let me go. can they do that? hmmn.. If they do I will have some serious issues with these people/ person... I pray that this is going to come out for the better. Emily and I spent pretty much a whole class just praying. Her and I both prayed today, Aloud i might add!! Neither one of us are people who EVER pray in public or allowed. I mean besides at camp. The last time I prayed aloud someone said it was very profound and I got really worried cause they wanted to talk to me... This is one reason why I don't pray aloud. But the other is I never know what exactly what to say that isn't like everyone else. So anyway, we have 18 people as of 7:55pm tonight!

In other news I think I'm going to cry again! All these people are leaving LLC!! All the cool people!! When I thought about it, once again, Jen F., Jen B., Jenny S., Raquel, Doll now, Seth, Erin,Britney, Litza (DJ) Gina and more people aren't coming to camp! well Gina came last year but not the year before. no big but it was some news for me. All these people are soo cool! why did they have to ditch LLC?? For some people there are other reasons though. It's depressing!! I mean Jenny Spice and Jen F.!! Those were two REALLY cool people!! Not to mention Raylinda!! who was way cool!! Jen. F really makes Camp really, really fun!! with the yoddling and the lil song with this girl and the ears and nose! Missing my people!!

Sabbath

Happy Sabbath ya'll!! XOXOXOXO love you lots and lots Doll!! Beautiful pictures on your sis' site!! Go Patti!! :P Today I'm off to church and on the way there i'm gonna listen to my CDs!! :D instead of the music my grams listens too..which have no meaning to me but ok..

the lady with the strips on is my mommy. her name is Ali.  

Feeling Guilty..

sorry to break it to ya but I didn't spend the night.. Matt barely even talked to me tonight!! I was soo deaply hurt.. seriously.. He completely ignored me after the play and i think he was trying to avoid me. I was searching and searching for him but everytime i found him again he got dragged off or he just wondered off.. He did really well at the play! I just wanted to run up and hug him but he was being hogged by everyone else! :'( so i never said my goodbyes or anything.. I'm truely deeply hurt.. :( So I decided to just stay with lil Rai and mommy (ya'll know who!)
Yea i did spend most of the night there. I just got home at 10pm. Mr. Tribbitt saw me leave with mommy and he knew i was happy. He said I was smiling ear to ear!! :D i was too!!I could feel it! Although I felt very guilty for not being home for Dolly I was stilll happy that I didnt have to be home with mother dearest. I took a few pix too but i couldnt get any of matt on stage or even off!!! He refused to let me get anywhere near him.. :( I saw Katie Wert at crossroads and oh boy was i embarrased! She saw me with mrs. Solomon and she just had this expression on her face. I could clearly read what she was thinking but no one else could see it. I have known Katie almost all my life..
Anyway, I met mommy's sister!! and get this!! She's as cool as MOMMY!!!!! Seriously!! BUT Mommy will never be out weighed! :D Mommy is the bestest. (besides Dorota!! my sweet, sweet sister!) Mommy's sister is soo cool. Lots of laughs!! I had soo much fun but then was awwfully crushed...I guess i sorta deserved it after being just a lil mean to him by making him run around the block a little. (not even!! up one TINY hill..) and then i was sorta putting him down but i tried to reassure him i still love him in a friedly kind of way. I also sorta ditched him when he wasn't really connecting with me. :( I feel guilty now that I think about it..

The more important reason why i feel so guilty is that instead of being home worshiping I was out with my friends watching a musical. I don't think I didnt anything extremely wrong. I didn't pay for anything nor did anyone else tonight. I stayed modest and the musical had some stuff about missionaries and good things. By the way, the musical was Guys and Dolls. It made a very good point too! Guys will do almost anything for a 'Doll' (not as in Dorothy) if he gets something out of it or just to impress the other guys. Also another very important thing, Dolly's birthday. Although I was thinking of her all day long it doesnt make up for not at least being home on her birthday. If she was online or not. Forgive me Dorota! :( So right this second i'm going to see if Doll has written any poetry. I havent checked it since Dolly has been back online.. :( I don't see any new ones that I don't reconize.. I'm not so sure, though, about Heart-racing Train. sigh.. bad memory sometimes, doesn't always work..

I have much to feel guilty about tonight as i lounge infront of my computer, swiftly moving my fingers across the keyboard. One, Not being home for my dear Doll. two, being mean to Matt. Three, the most important, not keeping sabbath. sigh...:( Happy birthday doll. I love u!

OH!! I had a super thought last night while lying in bed!! Ok! IF you really can't be at camp this year, I thought I could call you everyday I can and say "yo" and have everyone who wants to say their hellos as well! I figured if you are going to be home we'll call you and tell you how much we miss you and love you and all that good stuff!!

It's someones BDAY!!

Today I will forget about everything else that must be done. There is nothing more important today than my bestest friend turning 23. Feliz cumpleanos Dorotea! Today is Miss Dorothy Porawski's birthday! While many people are rushing to get things done at school today I will be calmly walking down the hall, smiling, going from class to class as I think about Dolly all day long. Although this is nothing new... Today I will be thinking about you and all the good times we had and will be having. Happy birthday my dear Doll!

Sending my best wishes!! I love ya VERY, VERY much!! You are extremely awesome and"special". Without you I would not be sitting here trying to think of the right words to say. Without you I'd be almost completely lost and what has become of my mom and my relationship wouldn't have grown to where it is. I thank you. Not just for that but for everything!!! For being such a GREAT friend! For making me laugh when i wasn't having a good day. For seeing the good/ silver lining. Just for everything. My dear camp friends and I wish you a very happy birthday and hope your day is the best! besides tax day! Very memorable events has happened on this day. The Titanic suck and Abe lincoln died. Both of which effected us in either a good or bad way. Dolly you were born on April 15 and you are memorable!! Happy birthday my dear Dorota. God bless u!! XOXOXOXO

I'm off for school! might blog more there.

class of boredum

In my favorite class of boredome-Apple Core!! lol Not all the time. Today its just boring cause we don't have any work to do on the computers. I'm with my dear miss. Reimer who is wearing a pastel lime green which is really quite cute. I wouldn't wear it but it's not that bad. She's quiet too today. It's sorta nice. She hasn't had to yell at anyone yet this class. It's a record! hehehehe Mr. Eric here is being just plain stupid. I'd show u a picture but i dont have my camera... :( He's playing on the computer and the projector. He finds it amuzing!

Mrs. umphrey isn't here today. She wasn't here monday either..:'( I hope she's not sick... :( See, this isn't all that exciting.. can ya tell?!
Next i have Home ec. with the spaz freak miss. gerbrich ( i think thats how u spell it). We are cooking the first half of the mp and the second half sewing. I'm hoping to make a piggy for a pillow on the sewing side. Speaking of pillows! I got my pillow back! It has been at my friends house for ever!

there's nothing to talk about. Nothing to really say thats new. OH!!!! I know!!!!! I TALKED TO DOLLY YESTERDAY!!!!! OH YEA!! It felt like it was the best second of my life when i saw her get on!!!!

With that in mind

with what Dolly has just said i think i might just reconsider!! she is still my fav. but i also do have others! :P :)) the good things that would come out of it: don't write nearly as much, not so many reasons, don't have things exploading in my head that i must write down before i forget, and i could write more about them and how close they are with God and possibly get some scripture in as well. So yea i might just reconsider doing my 'SISTER'!!! :D :D ;) I could do Jenny Brown, now known as Jenny Spicer or Brownspice. hehe or I could do Jen. B. but shes not a counselor. I have a list of many ppl that would qualify as my fav.!! they all are my fav. in some way or there's something nice about them that they should be awarded for. Lets see here, Jen foulke because she's just plain awesome in every way; Jen R. because she's really funny and easy to get along with; Alison cause she knows when to take charge (as far as i know); Gina cause she's what i would call 'cool' and her own type of 'ghetto' lollol; erin H. because she always has something nice to say; Jen B. cause she's just plain sweet; Seth cause he's cool, Frank cause he's definitely one of the nicest guys i'll meet, Jeremy for obvio. reasons ;) , Tracee because she helps out and knows every camper, Raquel cause she got your back. oh there's soo many people!!! let me get these last couple!! Melanie and Sophie cause they know how to have a great time. Katie C. cause she's sincere and is easy to relate to. Was there a Stacie?? I could do any of these people! But of course it'd take much more thought because I don't know them nearly as well and can't relate personally.

Actually I might just stick with who i have. it was easy writing bout Doll. It might be harder for someone else. Plus I already have it written. I might just write nice things bout a few ppl just for something to write bout. So actually I'm sticking with who i got. I'll just shorten it a bit. Love ya Doll! xoxoxo

Rough Draft

ok this is just a rough draft so no laughing! I wanna know how it is as of this far and i need your imput on how to make it better. Kelsey said that there might be a contest this year on our fav. counselor at camp and we might get a free week. I dont know if its definite yet or what but i figured i'd get started any way. Don't be affended you other counselors out there!! I love u all!! I just just Doll cause she was easy to write about.

My Favorite Counselor

Choosing just one counselor of whom I like the most is not a simple task. Each person has their own uniqueness, be it from their way with words to just being plain cool. Jenny Brown for example, this young lady of God can get her campers to do everything she asks of them without fuss and still we love her very much. Gina on the other hand is really cool. There is no way to put it but cool. She understands us and relates in her own way. But there is one counselor to whom I applaud and greatly believe is worthy being called my favorite.

Dorothy Porawski more commonly known as Dolly is my and many other’s favorite counselor. There is nothing that I or anyone else can say to express how great she really is. You just need to get to know her to understand. Dolly has gone to great lengths for her campers to feel at home at LLC.

As I ponder in thought while in great awe, I have had the pleasure to know Dolly through camp. As I have watched her love all the campers, I’ve seen her patience with us and her ambition to not give up. Dolly cares very much about each and every one of her campers and treats us as if we were her own. She knows each of us individually and has come to love us more and more every day as the week quickly slips by. She gives each child attention and cares very much about us.

As we are woken up by the soft nudge and whisper she expresses God’s love for us. Though her actions she shares his wonderful grace as we prepare for the day that God has created for us. She not only inspires me but she inspires other campers as well. For example, she reads her bible daily and strives to be an example for him that someone will see and also want to be of God. As we prepare in the morning and rest in the afternoon we listen to the Lords gospel through music. As she prays she seems very deep in the words she has to say. Dolly sets a superior example of one of God’s unique children. For me personally, Dolly has been there for me when I was going through a state of depression and self doubt and she has helped me to overcome it with the help of the lord to carry me.

In many, many ways Dolly is a wonderful person and counselor. She shares God’s wonderful grace and inspires me to be everything I could possibly be. She encourages me to be strong in time of doubt and tells me to rely on the almighty Lord for protection and strength though the emotional storms. Dolly has great patience and can be very funny and is friendly to all. I could go on for ever about the child God has blessed and how she is worthy of a great ovation for just having God’s fingerprints all over her. Everyday God is improving Miss. Porawski in the image of himself. She truly is a fingerprint and a masterpiece that we quietly applaud. Dolly is my favorite counselor but, honestly, every counselor has something special about them that they should be rewarded for.

Hows that so far? I'm not the greatest writer like some people i know! (DOLLY!!) but i'm working on my skills! so shh! lol

Let me Guess

Ok, Dolly has posted a blog asking what musical she looks like she's from.. From Andrew Lloyd Webber Musicals. I'm guessing the musical Cats but only because I've seen the musical at school (on tape) But i don't know who its by.. That's the only musical that pops into my head! Doll would make a pretty cool cat! lol Wasn't she prancing around like a cat before in characterization classes?? I wanted to post it on Dolly's blog but it didn't occur to me what it was until i added my comment.

Ok this is what I found on this person. Andrew Lloyd Webber was born March 22, 1948. Both of his parents were involved in the musical arts in some way and because of his parents he started to play instruments as well. He later went to Oxford and met Tim Rice and composed musicals. OK!! I was right!! He wrote Cats which was a big hit and the musical was based on poems by T.S. Eliot. It pays off to listen in music class! VERY suprising!! Love you Doll face!! xoxoxoxoxo Been praying for you!!

oh, oh!! I know!!

We wear the mask!! ( almost know it by heart!!)
We wear that mask that grins and lies,
it hides our cheeks and shades our eye,
This debt we pay to human guile;
with torn and bleeding hearts we smile, (and thats as far as i know)
And mouth with myriad subleties.

Why should the world be otherwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile but, oh great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!!!
Amy Lowell!!
It was one of my favorite poems! i had it in my anthology in 7th grade! Isn't it a great poem?!?I had it posted in my room fora while then i tore it down and put it in my tracker where it wouldnt get lost. I have a book that has this poem in it right beside my bed too! it's quite pathetic! I can say I love poetry! ok I gotta get ready for school..love ya laff!! Btw I can't make another mask unless i have the stuff to do it but I can easily get it at the craft store! XOXOXO that internet better come back soon!

here's the other.. this one came out clearer
I sorta stole it from Dolly! But isn't it wonderful!?!?! I really mest up on the eyes though.. It was within the last few min. of the class..

Here's one pic.. 

Let me Explain

The reasoning behind all this worrying:

One, With all the commotion with camp and all I wasn't sure how you were taking it all in.
Two, it's not normal for you to go too many days without being online at all when you have the chance because i've been up at 2 and 3am for a couple of days just for a few moments to see if my Dorota was online.
Three, Not seeing any blog entries or emails from you starts to worry me as well
Four, Your sister hadn't updated with any word from you either.
Five, yes there's a five!! You are ALL THE WAY IN POLAND with no other way of me contacting you other than internet!! I can't just fly over there when ever I want to check up on you like a mom would! ;)And even if i could I can trust and have faith in my Dolly that she wouldn't get in any trouble and she can very well take care of her self with out a teenager trying to control her in any way. :P
So with all this in play I was getting pretty worried if everything was ok. BUT I don't worry so much any more if someone is, in general, in danger because the likelyness of that happening isn't to great and plus with all the people that I care about so much I wouldn't have time to take care of myself!! I'd be way to busy worrying! So I make it a goal of mine not to worry soo much. :) :P

So since i didnt worry today I got my art project back. I'm really quite critical of my work. I personally think it needs a lot of improvement but everyone else, on the other hand, seems to like it. I brought it home tonight to take a picture and savour it for the few hours I have with it before it must go back to school to be put in the show case. It's really not as special as it sounds. The teacher picks a hand full of kids who, she thinks, did a nice job(not considering the grade) and asks if she can put it into the hall showcase by the auditoriam until like the end of May!! tear, tear.. At least it shouldn't get broken! :D I wanna see if i can possibly do a little more work before it is seen by the whole allen body... I'll try to post a pic.

Thank the Lord!!

Really!! I don't know if I would have made it another day without the assurance of Dolly being safe. I Just had to post to let everyone know she is fine!!! She seems to be happy and thats what matters! I can stop all this worrying!! So Now i must leave or I'll miss my bus!! xoxoxoxo

anybody????

I am VERY worried about Dolly at this point in time. I have not been able to keep my mind off her all day long through the PSSA testing. If ANYONE has heard from her please give me a holla asap!!! I am working very hard to do some certain things. I wish I could do something more to comfort her and be there but there's nothing I can do besides just be there in her heart because she is so very far away... :( Campers are praying for you dolly!! We are all sending our love and pray that you get through this! Since friday i've been getting emails and ims gallore seeing if I have heard anything from you and how far i've gotten and people being "added".

So if someone, anyone has heard anything let me know!! I nEED to know if she is ok!! DOLLY!! PLease let me know you are ok!!! I LOVE YOU!! muah!! BIG HUGS AND KISSES!!

Full of Laughs!

The day finally began when I went over to Ali's house for the afternoon not knowing I would be there as long as I was. when arriving at their house which is practically another home to me I was introduced to 2 lizards and a hamster. At first I was just a lil frightened of the lizard but quickly overcame that because I knew they couldn't hurt me. While there we chatted about the polish and at the dinner table they were making fun of them! I didn't quite follow what about exactly but i know they were making fun of them. sigh.. Poor Dolly.. After dinner while getting photos taken Matt explained to me a little bit why they make fun of the Polish of all people. It was sad really.. I told him that because he didn't know that my bestest friend was polish i wouldn't taking it affensively, or at least as affensively.. while that was going on their dad had to leave because of a car accident. He works for the fire station I believe. Most of the afternoon unil late evening, 8 or so, I played with Ali's hair and attemped to organize matthew things as well as give attention to Rachel. Rachel is 11 and is matt's lil sis whom I love to pieces!! Rachel and I have a new inside joke too now! I then spent some time with Matt as well as Rachel and had like a gizzilion pictures taken of me for school and b/s supposedly. We just hung out for the evening until Ali had a meeting then we tried to stay quiet upstairs. Matt had then found out how ticklish i am and tickled me to death! I must admit I had fun. I can honestly say it's the most fun I had since last summer..

With that, I am praying for Dolly as well as camp to work this misunderstanding out. I think i have finally stopped crying for now but only because i'm trying to do something about all this myself... I finally got it into my head that this is real and it has happened. All day long I've been in hope to see a new poem posted so I would see Dolly online. If I could I'd just give her one great big hug! after another and another!
Doll I miss u...sigh.. Ya know I'm here for you in anyway you need me. I'm here too if u just need a shoulder to cry on or lots of love to be given!There isn't much I can do because you are soo far away but I am here just give me a holla. I await to see a Dorota on my messanger every morning and evening. Please do not let LLC to discourage you. You are in no way a "bad" person! Just to remind you!! I can't imagine what you must be experiencing.. I pray God will give you strength. Love you lots and always! muah!

It hurts

Well people, Dolly is not playing a joke she's not coming to camp. It's a real shame. :'( I'm in the process of working on something for her so sshh!! She knows i'm doing something but doesn't know what it is yet. I'm not sure if i'll succeed in this or not either. Also anybody have a few extra bucks they could spare for a friend who is in need of 6k?? It'll be quite interesting to get a few bucks for my dear friend! :P It's shocking to be told that my best friend and someone who is so spectacular be rejected from camp. :'( my three girls found out and they're all heartbroken. Camp won't be the same. Now both of my favorites are gone.. Jenny S. and Doll-dolly... NOt that all of them are my favs. but these two were really special!

What now?

For many of us who do not know yet, Dolly is either pulling all of our legs or it's true. Acording to Dolly's blog she is not going to be rehired to LLC. It's hard to even think about...sigh.. IF this is true, I do not know just how i'm going to be able to break it to all of the campers. They're going to be heart broken. For me I feel like I have just been destroyed in every way. There is no motivation to do anything but anything. What is the meaning of all this? Why is it the Lord must torture me like this?Let me replace that last sentence with why must Satan do this!? As well as everyone else who loves Doll. My cousin, who had worked very hard to go to camp this year, is now crushed. She had done a lot of persuading!She really wanted to meet Doll-Doll.. When the first paragraph of her blog had processed through my mind I imediantly picked up my phone and called Emily to tell her the news. She deserves to know. IF this isn't an April Fools joke I'm going to try my darn hardest to get the camp to change their minds. I'll call up and talk with them then discuss it with my fellow girl campers and we will do something!! BUT if this IS a joke then oh boy is Dolly going to get it!! how? I have know idea.. but she'll surely get it! But as of right now, this very moment, my eyes are still red. I cried for about an hour... How was I possibly going to tell the girls? How was Dolly taking all this in? Is it possible for the camp to think such things about the Very Dorothy Ann? Will I get to be with her at all this summer? What about all the other people who are going to be crushed? Just how is it all possible? It can't be! I will not let it be. I thought it through and it is possible for Dolly to do something like this, joke wise. She is very good at it! Let me tell you!! Anybody heard of the potato and tomatoe story? ;) I'm pretty sure that was it was about... Right now I have no motivation to do anything. The only thing that I'm looking forward to now is just to be able to talk to Dolly. Knowing she'll never know if i really got to 110lbs. if I'm still eating and everything else. She probably wont come to visit this summer IF this is true. I just have this great feeling that she's just pulling our leg! I mean seriously! Dolly not get hired at camp? How would the camp know her blog address? Who at camp would read it? Now, I know Dolly is capable of such things. Wendy nor anyone else could do this. Just being who they are- from what I know that is.. I DO NOT want to believe this. But if it's true... I'm going back to how I was! I can stop shoving food down my throat, stop cheking my weight, stop being incredibly nice to my mom so she has no reason to keep me from camp, Just stop. Doll would never know what my weight is/was. But now I think, It's NOT HER FAULT!! she doesnt deserve to suffer like that. Does she? nah! the camp does!! :P I just won't go for 2 weeks, although I do love the people there. It won't be as fun... :'(