Amazed

Yesterday I got home and did my normal routine. sign off mom, bathroom, sign on nikki, wash face, check 2 c about doll, then I sit down and sort through my brain. A couple of minuntes into my thinking process I hear a car come up. Now, my mother was not home so I supposed she was now. It wasn't her. It was Ilgar. So when I heard the front door of the house close I said I'd advise you to stay in your car since mom is not home. After repeating this several times because he could not understand me I waited a moment for him to gather his belongings again and leave. After exactly a minute was up he still had not left. So I decided to go down to my grandmas but wanted instead to read outside. So I grabbed my book and went outside to read in front of the second porch. Not even 2 minutes into the book the van comes up and as soon as she is up I hear Ilgar shuffling to get out the door. When she sees him and his supposedly red face she asks what he was doing. Then she became suspicious. I don't know what he said but after he got far enough away for me to go back inside a few moments later mom came in and then a few more minutes past and she bursted into my room asking what was up in a suspicous tone. Trying to finish this last 30 pages of my book, I am reading!!!! I clearly knew what was up.

It was on! she said "get dressed!"
"I am dressed!"
"Get your shoes on!"
"They're on!" quickly slipping my flip flops on.
"We are going to the doctors now."
I grabbed my book and went to the car swearing up a storm. SHH!!! 5 minutes past before she finally came out and drove over 3/4 of the way to the doctors and then pulled off the road while we were screaming , not only 2 feet away from one another. Most of the time I was being sarcastic in my tone and trying to calm myself down, trying not to create more friction. She stopped said something or another then turned back around to go home. Yelling at her I demanded for her to go to the doctors to prove her wrong so then she would have to apologize and leave me be. Now, very few of u know my history, but for those of you who do you'll understand. "You are soo beep blind. Have you not noticed? Time and time again I attempt the same thing and time and time again someone who cares enough stops me for some reason or another. You are soo beeping blind you don't even realize what you do. and I do it only because of you and no other reason. What do i have to do for you to see? I guess I have to spell it out don't I?"

After rambling on a little longer I finally said "One of these days..." I'll just stop there. My mom says something like I better not.

By this time we are about to come up the drive way and I promise her that it will happen and she will be there to live for her to expierence what i have for the past how many years. (not just talking about this one subj. from earlier) and by the way I'm not talking pain. I got in the house and went to my room and then decided to spend some time with Emily after about 3 seconds of thinking about what day it is. It was as if nothing happened at all! It was quite an accomplishment to how fast i blew it off.