One minute I'm ranting and raging and the nst i'm about to burst into tears. All week it's been like this too. And I finally gave up yesterday. It's a combo of everything really. First I wanna tell a person off cause she's ridiculing me on how i dress and the next moment i'm utterly and hopelessy missing someone and the next thing i know it i'm cryin'. One minute I wanna beat the living crap out of someone, the next i'm just happy to know that I get to go home soon.There is a long list of things i've been havin going to the extremes about.. Yesterday, though, gramdma fisher said something and it was something about how i've been treating her like 'dirt' and how i love my friends more than my familyi. How she's done soo much for me; given me a home and so on.. (just puttin me on a guilt trip and actin like she made a mistake by 'taking me in') How i'm all like i dont want want her listening to my conversations and she says she never once listened in when just 10 minutes before she was commenting on a conversation i was having with a friend from church!!! One thing tells me to go offo n her and the other is 'patience, just keep that mouth shut.. That's what did it i guess.. When i was done, or moreless when she was done 'expressing her feelings to me; i went in my room and broke... I crashed..What else was i saupposed to do?! so maybe your thinking she cried cause her grandma was being mean with her? no.. it was more than that.. it was a lot of things combined and i couldn't hold it anymore. I tried to explain to her the best i could without leaving too much behind, i felt like i was dealing with a 7year old's sensitivity.
I just miss dolly and auntie right now.. (well right then and now but mostly then) I wanna be left alone for awhile... I don't know what i want anymore.. I want a hug and not from someone who doesnt feel like they mean it. People around here don't seem to be very sincere at times. I just want to be with Doll... by katie..Gina.. But dolly mostly. I feel safe with her.. I could cry forever and it'd be alright. I know i can go to her or for Gina or Katie for that matter. They're comforoting i suppose.. its just something about them.. Not something i could explain..
Btw and its not that i love my friends more either. I choose to love them.- I dont HAVE to love them acuse they're family. Its not the same. PDA with family isn't something i should HAVE to do. They know i love them why should i have to show it to them ALL the time. Why should i be forced when I dont wanna be forced to love them.. It's just not right...
Missin LBG.. Come home..
"Don't worry, once i get you in person i am not going to let go of you!" I told you i'd keep note of it!!! Sent on feb. 8, 2006
2 comments:
yeah, i'm not going to forget i said that either.
let's get together and have a cry fest! we'll stay inside all day and eat chocolate and cakes and watch movies- no better yet, we will read! yeah!
re: grandma, i can't fathom what i might be like to have problems with my grandma. hang in there and be a sweet as can be, because grandma's are really important people!
oh yes, i know they are! Grandparents can be very important ppl. My fav. grandfather used to be Ampons 2nd husbandish person. He was awesome! hes the one who taught me to eat with chopsticks when i was about 2 or 3.. i dont remember.. he gave me my fav. cookies.. they were pink and chocolate and vanilla..
Nana Ampon and me used to sit and talk for hours!!! Good times, Good times..
yours truly
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