baby, it's cold outside

thanks to ktC

If not showing cause of stupid issues go to Capitals

Loss

I love, really really love, semi-late phone calls just to say goodnight. Does anybody do that anymore? Phone calls just to say "guess what?... I love you." I have a really cool friend like that. (jealous much??) (actually a couple but...) I want to share my friend with the whole world. Tell everyone how little moments transmogrify(cool word!) really lousy days into something where i can't pinpoint any one moment that was all that terrible at all. Even when I've had a beautiful day, it's icing on the top. It's a good night's sleep. It's a warm feeling that relaxes and sooths. its the moment where maybe i could cry and everything would be all ok.

and then there's the random phone calls from far away friends.. well actually not really far away... like only a state.

Anyway, 4 people i love a lot in one day. how do i get so lucky?? God must really love me!! anyway, maybe i should get on writing something different.

OH yea, I have nothing going for me in my future, by the way. I'm going to be a hopeless single person for my whole life. Maybe write a book or two.. I hope they're best sellers. I have zero skill in anything that'll move me forward. sorry colleges and bachelors and really good jobs. It was pointed out to me today.

ok so i have to go cause my bro is not going to sleep. He must have hearing problems..

My Life

Right now, i'm in a bit of a very big hole. I've lost something very important. I went looking for it today and couldn't find it and now, I don't know where it would be. I've looked in some places it isn't. So, I ask please pray that i find it VERY soon. I need it in order to do anything.

Second, And also important, but can't work out as well unless i have the first is mission trip to Africa. I've sent in my application but as far as i know there's only a certain amount of students who get to go. I really really want to be in Africa and do something great abroad. So pray, pray, pray that i can go. I'm getting my passport on Wednesday if the plans don't fall through with my mom.

3. Dolly: no, she is fine. But right now seeing her is in the air. She leaves the day i return to school. She has no car and my mom, my dear mother, has scheduled herself for everyday of the week, to work. Yes, work IS important. I'm selfish. It's a selfish request. To actually be able to spend the day with her would be great. i only see her once a year and talk to her rarely anymore. To visit her is my Christmas present. Also some silents.

4. Gary: He's been having lots of asthma attacks. I think he's got girl issues he needs to figure out. And some other things.

5. Abby: praise: she's got a great head and she's pretty darn smart. Ask God to keep her out of trouble.

6. My auntie: Tomorrow is my aunts bday.

7. Joan: she's helping me get my passport and she has a lot of other things she is doing. She helps out a lot of different people.

Here Waiting

Patience is something i often lack. The end..

disappointing addictions

Sometimes- a lot of times- i wish i had deep topics to talk about. Emotions to share, and perspectives to broaden. To my own disappointment, fulminating about life is the central point of my postings.I would have stopped posting a long time ago if it weren't for my needy habits to write, and if that were to happen, then no one would know if i were alive. Sometimes that's not a bad thing either.

My english teacher, is regularly reminding me to compose more abstract ideas about short stories we've read, books I've read on my own, and anything else she asks us to comment on. I see her purpose, but not everything i read screams to me profoundness as it does her. But she IS an English teacher and maybe I'll appreciate these things later in life.

My postings don't scream for advice or promote comments either though. Maybe my blogging is more for myself rather than others, although its free for others to read.

It feels like forever since I've last really written anything. poems and stories. I've thought up a few in my head lately though. none i remember though.

Pessimism is muy malo. I'm naturally supposed to be very pessimistic. it's ok though. I'm not a complete disappointment.

Even this makes me want to go back... soo badly... i miss camp... no yoke! I take it back!! really, i Do wanna go... i'm gonna miss those campers....

good times brings sad reminders

Jack Johnson

Wishin, and waiting.. Dolly is in America officially. Safely, I assume. That's about it.
homleave is this week and exams are still coming! hurray.....!!

Fly Away

Well, incase anyone cares, Dear Dorothy ann will be leaving poland tomorrow! Tomorrow is also the messiah and i wonder when Katie and all those union people come home. Andew's is already home. Sadly David an Liz are not. :(( Sad story there. And i will not be able to see them before i leave on homelave on the 20th. Anyway, Dolly is coming home!Pray i get to see her!!! Please!

OK, well i'm off to go to work. I need to do the Chemistry Review!

~Be confident in everything~

Aliveness

"No, it's not a depressing season!!! shopping is good, family time is good(to extent), seeing shawn is good, sleeping is good, eating is good/bad, and snow can be good, xmas trees are good, fireplaces are good. family means arguing with each other, watching of other parent's kids who don't listen, too much sleep(not good), gaining unwanted weight-which isn't much of a worry when others in the family make up for the food i don't get to, too cold and slippy roads which prevents traveling, sneezing, not being able to see the ppl i love the most during the season thats supposed include that detail. but on the other hand, emily and I get to hang out. and last year i saw 3 people i wasn't expecting. "
I feel like more and more i'm arguing with myself over why i shouldn't be sad. mood swings and unscheduled time of depressedness. All of it is unnecessary, and i wanna will myself to stop. ... other times i don't care enough to think about stopping. maybe its my selfishness in wanting to spend more time with some long-ago friends/far away ppl, or the lack of input i have on other's lives. It could be the shortage in self-confidence. Whatever it is, I don't want it here right now. It makes me unsocial and self-absorbed and tired. But being tired isn't always bad cause i have a nice little bed that i really love, complete with a warm comforter and blankets.. But also missing something. (other than Cassie-the pillow) it has plenty of static electricity, however. whatever... i'm feeling tiny... gotta go. dizzy maybe...