"No, it's not a depressing season!!! shopping is good, family time is good(to extent), seeing shawn is good, sleeping is good, eating is good/bad, and snow can be good, xmas trees are good, fireplaces are good. family means arguing with each other, watching of other parent's kids who don't listen, too much sleep(not good), gaining unwanted weight-which isn't much of a worry when others in the family make up for the food i don't get to, too cold and slippy roads which prevents traveling, sneezing, not being able to see the ppl i love the most during the season thats supposed include that detail. but on the other hand, emily and I get to hang out. and last year i saw 3 people i wasn't expecting. "
I feel like more and more i'm arguing with myself over why i shouldn't be sad. mood swings and unscheduled time of depressedness. All of it is unnecessary, and i wanna will myself to stop. ... other times i don't care enough to think about stopping. maybe its my selfishness in wanting to spend more time with some long-ago friends/far away ppl, or the lack of input i have on other's lives. It could be the shortage in self-confidence. Whatever it is, I don't want it here right now. It makes me unsocial and self-absorbed and tired. But being tired isn't always bad cause i have a nice little bed that i really love, complete with a warm comforter and blankets.. But also missing something. (other than Cassie-the pillow) it has plenty of static electricity, however. whatever... i'm feeling tiny... gotta go. dizzy maybe...
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