Late Nights

Well, this for me is my way to release, and to click the publish button, i think, is whats saying, i'm weak and i'm admitting it. Simply writing, is saying to me, when i write, that it has been written (in stone) and can never be taken back. There is physical proof of my words and my thoughts and feelings. So from here on out, i caution to the reader(s).

I am concluding that finding out why i do something no longer has influence in these recent matters of my own. It does not matter to me why i do some things, what matters is that it changes. My plan, what i have been trying to improve, is simply not working, my motivation is not right, entirely. To motivate myself to change, i must (emphasis on must) do it for God. I have no excuse to to act or talk (or w/e else that may be considered unholy) the way i do. What matters is that it changes by God. The end.

Now that i have finished my thought in a rather confusing manner, late nights are no good for me. Late nights make me think about too much, too much of myself and everything that is wrong in life. ... And yet, i'm thankful to see all the things that are 'right' in life. Evenings tend to get me into depressing thoughts, which also much change.

I found this verse:
Romans 12:1,2 - Christians are transformed (changed) by renewing their minds (cf. Eph. 4:23). To live differently, we must think differently. We must not seek to be like the world but to use our bodies in God's service.

I am considering fasting and prayer tomorrow. Although, tomorrow may not be the smartest because of fall festival it may be displaying more commitment to my God than anything else.

All done.. i had my words gathered together in the car on the way home but now it is only mumble jumble. Since the shower and the yearning for a cry fest i have lost most all of what i was concluding. i 'hope' i will continue with this 'change' and not drop it by tomorrow. I hope i will keep searching and i hope by the end of the year i will be a better and improved person.