Feeling Guilty..

sorry to break it to ya but I didn't spend the night.. Matt barely even talked to me tonight!! I was soo deaply hurt.. seriously.. He completely ignored me after the play and i think he was trying to avoid me. I was searching and searching for him but everytime i found him again he got dragged off or he just wondered off.. He did really well at the play! I just wanted to run up and hug him but he was being hogged by everyone else! :'( so i never said my goodbyes or anything.. I'm truely deeply hurt.. :( So I decided to just stay with lil Rai and mommy (ya'll know who!)
Yea i did spend most of the night there. I just got home at 10pm. Mr. Tribbitt saw me leave with mommy and he knew i was happy. He said I was smiling ear to ear!! :D i was too!!I could feel it! Although I felt very guilty for not being home for Dolly I was stilll happy that I didnt have to be home with mother dearest. I took a few pix too but i couldnt get any of matt on stage or even off!!! He refused to let me get anywhere near him.. :( I saw Katie Wert at crossroads and oh boy was i embarrased! She saw me with mrs. Solomon and she just had this expression on her face. I could clearly read what she was thinking but no one else could see it. I have known Katie almost all my life..
Anyway, I met mommy's sister!! and get this!! She's as cool as MOMMY!!!!! Seriously!! BUT Mommy will never be out weighed! :D Mommy is the bestest. (besides Dorota!! my sweet, sweet sister!) Mommy's sister is soo cool. Lots of laughs!! I had soo much fun but then was awwfully crushed...I guess i sorta deserved it after being just a lil mean to him by making him run around the block a little. (not even!! up one TINY hill..) and then i was sorta putting him down but i tried to reassure him i still love him in a friedly kind of way. I also sorta ditched him when he wasn't really connecting with me. :( I feel guilty now that I think about it..

The more important reason why i feel so guilty is that instead of being home worshiping I was out with my friends watching a musical. I don't think I didnt anything extremely wrong. I didn't pay for anything nor did anyone else tonight. I stayed modest and the musical had some stuff about missionaries and good things. By the way, the musical was Guys and Dolls. It made a very good point too! Guys will do almost anything for a 'Doll' (not as in Dorothy) if he gets something out of it or just to impress the other guys. Also another very important thing, Dolly's birthday. Although I was thinking of her all day long it doesnt make up for not at least being home on her birthday. If she was online or not. Forgive me Dorota! :( So right this second i'm going to see if Doll has written any poetry. I havent checked it since Dolly has been back online.. :( I don't see any new ones that I don't reconize.. I'm not so sure, though, about Heart-racing Train. sigh.. bad memory sometimes, doesn't always work..

I have much to feel guilty about tonight as i lounge infront of my computer, swiftly moving my fingers across the keyboard. One, Not being home for my dear Doll. two, being mean to Matt. Three, the most important, not keeping sabbath. sigh...:( Happy birthday doll. I love u!

OH!! I had a super thought last night while lying in bed!! Ok! IF you really can't be at camp this year, I thought I could call you everyday I can and say "yo" and have everyone who wants to say their hellos as well! I figured if you are going to be home we'll call you and tell you how much we miss you and love you and all that good stuff!!