Absolutely Dreadful

When one person is doing better everyone around you seems to be getting worse.

My friends and I seem to be arguing more than usual. One of my best friends has poison ivy and has done everything to try to get rid of it and tonight she's going to the doctors. She has it all up her arms and legs. Even after I scold her for scratching she does it again after a bit. My bestest friend or the one i love VERY dearly has decided to deminish her blog altogether. Leaving me an empty time slot along with an incomplete day and her most likely hurt on some level. My Jen was sick just yesterday and I haven't heard anything new today. Just in general people I know and love are getting hurt in some way or are just not doing soo well.

I on the other hand do not feel deeply hurt nor do I feel depressed. I seem to be becoming more socialable with people which I think is a good thing. Although I feel as if i'm leaving some old friends in the dark I feel as if i have been changing dramatically either for the good or bad. Last night a had some time to think some more about me changing. I have noticed I am not nearly as sensitive as I used to be but I tend to be unkind to close friends. I've also been exagorating or being sarcastic lately as well. This of which could hurt friends that are not used to having this kind of thing done to them from me. One reason being the people speaking to them (me) are not at the same social level or maybe are just afraid of what may be said back to them. For me, I think could be a good thing in a sense. I am no longer as afraid to say how i feel about something to someone else. I seem also to be getting more respect from these people of higher stats than I. I feel more comfortable being around more "popular" people and can socialize with them more freely. On the other hand my very close friends are drifting away from me but I do not want them to... I still want to be the closest friend to them because of the memories we have shared and how close I once had been with them. I do love them but.. I'm not sure... I want to move on but I don't want to leave them behind. Also I am drifting away more and more everyday from being a teacher's pet in any perspective!!

The positives are just feeling more wanted in some way. I don't feel like an outcast and I am socially accepted. I'm trying to figure out at this point what is right and what I should avoid. I do know the obvious things:smoking, drugs and alcohol and stuff. I just don't want to be hurtful to the people I love very much. All I know is i need to stay away from Tyler cause he is rubbing off on me with his sarcasim. Also I need to know when to keep my mouth shut cause I could end up saying something I either may regret or me speaking my mind would not be respectful. I'm just feeling better about myself in general and Mom is being overall good to me in more than one way. (besides last night's very small drama!)