I am learning...Slowly but surely i'm learning a little bit of something.
read Gina's blog. it sums al this up in 3 paragraphs. i've realized...
I'm learning that the hospital can have positives. My great grandma is in the hospital still. She's been in and out of there during the month. My mom, period. Really, these things are quite rejuivinating and relaxing to me. It's the real world- not the bubble. :)
Love:
I'm learning to love like Jesus as well as loving as if i've never been hurt. these two things i need to work out. my saying as it goes..."you've ripped my heart out, thrown it against the wall, AND play darts with it." And love always trusts. How can i love someone if i don't trust them? and If i love/trust God then i should be able to love/trust humans as well, correct? They both go hand in hand.
Friends:
Love ties in with friends too. The people i 'love' are distant from me as of recent. Their lives are changing and they're making decisions. Sometimes which means moving far far away or just making the lack of communication harder for at least one end to stay the faithful friend. (meaning no doubts on whether or not they've dropped you for the birds to pick at) I mean, ok so maybe i'm a bit dramatic but i have my days too. :) So, how can i trust(love)them back after they say they trust/love me. love requires action. That's one thing i learned this year. "love requires action" was written on my dorm room wall. :) Other people have expressed that to me too. FrouFrou face tried to make that clear to me.... It's a love-hate relationship there. ;) if you're reading thank you. Out LOUD!! Froufrou face has made me think some more. I haven't retained it all but with repetition i'll learn that in time too. I think i'm being critical of this love-hate relationship because the person is seeming to be open and say they care about me and the last couple times i've trusted it doesn't last. it drifts. that's what it currently seems like.
rough patches can be a pain.
dan and peter have been great people to go to though. Peter has been a great support system in the last couple of weeks when it comes to the bubble problem. and whether or not i really want to go back to the bubble next year even though i think it will be best for my future. I'm done talking about going back to school or not. I'm serious this time. :)
I'd really love to be working under Wendy because i feel like all the air around her says God and i really really enjoy that. Jeremy and James and Gina J. all have that and not one of those people i have to help me get through the summer at LLC. I'm excited but scared because i am going to be staff and it's all about God and the camper's experience with Him. So i either need to figure it out before camp, really sit and talk and figure things out enough so that i can love and live life.
My RA told me that hurt is only when you let it affect you. or something to that effect. What she said is what got all this 'stuff'in my head in motion. or at least something to think about... If i don't allow myself to hurt, feel pain or drama then i'm not going to be able to learn and thus it will become harder to help others because i hadn't had the experience to retain the knowledge. and if i can not feel hurt then i can also not feel joy.and that' wouldn't be cool because i want to be happy with God and be able to scream for joy when i see people like Katie and dolly and emily because it is way to rare that i see them or even hear a word from them and when i do it is a priveledge.
love and get hurt- so start over again. Make friends-help them grow- they move on- start over. family: be the adult, then cry, pray and counsol them and advise them. which usually means the older adult is the one that is being advised by the younger.
Why can't we just have the world domination and purify the earth and start over. ;) j/k
hahaha! almost forgot the music part. Music is good for the soul. :)) no it's good for the soul, for real. Dan playing the guitar is the most relaxing sound in the world.
k, i think i'm done
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