No, it's not okay to be selfish. That's the last thing i ever want to be.

Emily told me today that she can bash on me and call me names left and right but as soon as it comes down to someone else .... well i told myself to stop it- to stop crying and being hurt because its selfish. not that being hurt is selfish but hurting and not thinking about how other ppl feel and responding to what they need too.

For the record, i'm trying. i went four days without crashing and i think that's an accomplishment.

this isn't about me

its about other people. i care about me too much and stuff like this isn't where i ever want to be selfish about.

its all about being selfless and loving others before urself

and i know i'm right

and i'm told the first rule to loving others is loving urself. and i need to take time for myself. (i get that)

i'm trying really hard to be internally and authentically patient and wait all this out and be open minded about other ppl

i really took last thursday night and contemplated. and i can protest as much as i want, but i have to really be authentically selfless and caring in my heart.